I Play a Role

I play a role of a simple housewife. Not desperate. Just plain Jane housewife. I have no complains of what I do. I have no complains of what I don't have. I know that in the end of the day that my child never goes to sleep hungry, and just by doing that I feel like I'm indestructible. But I know I'm not. I know that I cry at night when my husband's sleeping. I can barely have any sleep myself. I'm not depressed, I just missed what I could of had if I was more careful. But I don't regret what happened, it just happened and I took my big girl pill and decided that that day forward I was to become a Woman, better yet a M.O.M..

What my friends have done is beyond me. They've all made a pact, it seems, and they all had babies. Edward, Tania, Nicole, Samantha, Dawn, They all had babies shortly after I did so I wouldn't feel alone. We're all housewifes. Out of work and broke as fuck. We don't care, I surely don't. It's what I chose to do. And Abortion is not the answer.

I play a role bigger than a housewife. I play a mentor who needs it, a friend, a sister, a secret journal that sometimes people just dump their troubles on me. It doesn't bother me much, I love to listen. My role is bigger than I thought. I am a protector. Guidance. Love. I am often searched for the smallest this and the biggest that.

I play a role that others envy. I have people that literally hate me and it is only because I have what they can not make. I have happiness. This person hates me. My own blood. My sister. She takes everything into a completion. "If you're pregnant I must get pregnant too." or "if you have a black boyfriend then I must fuck black man too" I could only look at her and I can't help but laugh at her direction. She often points me out and yells at me and declares that I'm mother's favorite child when I am clearly not. That mother would tell their own child that they're a mistake. I am a one-night-stand baby.

I play a role.

I play a role that other girls would just give up on the first try. Dump their troubles on others. Never taking responsibility for themselves. I play a role that not even my own husband understands. He can't come to comprehend why I suddenly become a crazy bitch at the worse of times, and a silly bitch at the best of times. He can't understand what goes through my corkscrew of a mind and I don't expect him too. He has a role to play too. He is my protector. My Love. My Guidance. My Comfort.

I play a role of a healer when one's hurt. A napkin for someone's tears. A shoulder to lean on.

I play all these roles yet I'm not an actor. I don't want to be. I am not labeled. I am just me.