I guess I'm gonna make this one short and sweet.
I think it's time for a physical change in my appearance. From what I was told by a 'anime fan' (Don't ask me why I believe this person ok) in Japanese Culture a Change in Appearance means, as he told me, "As new chapter or dramatic change occured and thus they represent it with change." (or some shit like that).
Well, I want to change my appearance because I want to. I don't want to be taken as a serious loner or snob. I want to attract the crowd with my individuality and my real personality. Don't get me wrong I love my natural hair but it's so much I can do with it.
(right now, it's black all over)
I've dreaded it.
I've colored it red all over.
I've colored it blonde all over.
I've colored it light brown all over.
I've cut it short.
I've let it grow to the lower part of my back.
I've braided it.
I've corn-rolled it.
I've mohawked (modern) it.
I've curled it (crazy and elegant).
I don't know what to do with my hair. I don't like looking the same for a long time or repeating hair styles or colors. Though I've considered it at times. People just doesn't notice me as much as I would be noticed with blue/purple hair or far out clothes/outfits.
I want to dye my hair again and wear color contacts, that makes my left eye see a little better. I miss my 'geekish', 'anime-ish', 'whatever-ish' style/attitude towards things. But I guess it would be professional of me to do so now that I'm gonna be working in a hospital/health care office soon, by that I mean next year. And on top of that… I have a kid and I'm a mom. Ugh.
I miss my friends too. Everyone at my old job, including my friends who worked with me, called me bloo and here's why.
Yeah, that's me at age 20 on my way to work. No I'm not nor was I ever emo or a goth. 
I just love the colors. I love being different. I loved it when people turned around and looked at me with the 'WTF' look on their faces. (lol, I'm an attention whore. Besides, that's how Zoe's father and I hooked up because he loved my hair. Although we've known each other for like 8 years. We hooked up in '07) I got the inspiration strangely enough from Full Metal Alchemist. A character named Rose had the frontal part of her hair short and dyed pink. I just changed it to blue.
At that time, I was in love with Hot Topic. I still do but I'm broke. Haha. I only have money for school and diapers. It's ok. 12 dollar bottle of hair bleach and another 8 dollars for blue/purple hair dye and a different style will still go into play when I actually have the time. But first I got to get my hair growing again because I got my hair cut for free from 'Hair Academy' and some dumb bitch fucked up on my layers. And I love dramatic shaggy like layers in my hair. She made me look like a conservative prick, like Bree from Desperate Housewives. No matter how much I trim and flat iron, I get that insane flip in the back of my neck. I don't like it. So I've been wearing caps, and ponytails since… June.
When I dye my hair though, it won't be as dramatic as I had it last time (in the picture), It'll be more of a 'hidden' layer of coloring. For example, if I wear a ponytail, the lower half of my hair will be colored.
I also want my tongue pierced. I've been wanting to do that since I was working back at my shitty job as a cashier up at Chevy Chase, Maryland. And I want one tattoo. I want my wings damn it! lol. With my nautical star in the middle of my back with like purple flame somewhere with the angel wings or behind the nautical star. I dunno. It's gonna look something like this.
That's no me BTW
Something like that but the shading inside the nautical star to be purple or whatever, and behind it like a small purple flame or small accent flames in the wings. If I could draw it I would. Somehow my talent of drawing disappeared with everything else that I love. Now I wonder how the hell did that happened?
Anyway. Yeah. Like I was saying. I want to get all of that done. Not all at once though. I'm broke and I definitely want to get all that done AFTER I get out of school and I get hired by a really well respected job. (That'll be in June of '10.)
I guess I'm making a positive change for my future.
12 Comments
Nice to see a step forward.
=]
ahah I want some of the things you talked about. I want to dye my hair, but nothing dramatic, just something lighter than my blacker than black hair.
I wanna get a few more piercings too. I was advised not to though =/
and i want a tattoo on my shoulder, but since i live with my parents, it aint happening any time soon.
I want to die my hair o;
Or at least get highlights…not happening either way with my parents but bah.
I want a dump truck tattooed on my frigin back, my first dream job(no joke).
:[
Preserving childhood memories=++ for me.
Now why would you want your tongue pierced.
Go bald. That’s what I’m gonna do as soon as I can get out of my parent’s house. They said if I shaved all my hair off they would make me start paying rent, so I had to bow to their superiority. But I really really want to go bald…and then donate my hair to locks of love
But I don’t understand the need to feel/be different. If you try to be different, that kind of defeats the purpose of being different, doesn’t it? Conforming to an ideal appearance hardly constitutes ‘different’. What makes a lot of ‘different’ people noticable and popular is the fact that they don’t really choose it, rather, it chooses them, if that makes a single bit of sense, which it probably doesn’t.
I dunno. I went through a phase where I tried to reshape my entire appearance because I wanted to be noticed, accepted and different, but then I realized that people respected and liked me more by just being myself, so I ditched conforming to being “different” and just went back to being who I know I am.
In a nutshell: don’t change yourself to appease others or some ideal image you think you should represent. Change is something that comes naturally to everyone. Don’t rush it.
But I don’t understand the need to feel/be different. If you try to be different, that kind of defeats the purpose of being different, doesn’t it? Conforming to an ideal appearance hardly constitutes ‘different’. What makes a lot of ‘different’ people noticable and popular is the fact that they don’t really choose it, rather, it chooses them, if that makes a single bit of sense, which it probably doesn’t.
I dunno. I went through a phase where I tried to reshape my entire appearance because I wanted to be noticed, accepted and different, but then I realized that people respected and liked me more by just being myself, so I ditched conforming to being “different” and just went back to being who I know I am.
In a nutshell: don’t change yourself to appease others or some ideal image you think you should represent. Change is something that comes naturally to everyone. Don’t rush it.
I am not changing myself for others. I’ve always changed my looks because I wanted to change them. It’s not that I’m conforming to anyone or anything. It’s by my own choice. I’ve always had a rather ‘loud’ style. Whether if it was with hair color or what I wore as clothes. At one point I only wore all white and my hair down in the 9th grade because I wanted to stand out. It’s not that I want to be accepted by anyone. That’s not what the change is about. I want to people glance at me, then take another look and say “wow, she’s different.’ Bottom line, I do it for the compliments/comments. I do it because I’ve always done it. So why stop now?
And what I am saying is those are really dumb reasons to force yourself to change who you are and how you look. Forcing an ideal physical identity for compliments, to be different and special, to be noticed and looked at positively by peers? Why? It is because you don’t think who you really are is good enough for society, for your family, for your child (which, by the way, isn’t true)? Being true to yourself won’t get you the same reverence? You say that you don’t make these changes to gain acceptance, that you do them to get noticed, and what I have to ask you is: what’s the difference? From what I’ve gathered after reading your reasons for changing, I really don’t see how you are any different from the average high school adolescent undergoing a severe identity crisis.
If you need to change who you are, do it for your yourself, not for the shock value and attention of others. It shouldn’t matter what others think of who you really are. While forcing yourself to change into something you aren’t will undoubtably get you the attention and comments you want, what good do you gain in the long run, and what lesson is it teaching your child?
Oh. Good question.
I think you’ve gotten confused with the ideal of changing one’s appearance and changing ones personality. Changing my appearance and changing who I am, as a person, are two totally completely different things here. Frankly I really don’t give a rats ass about society for what it has done to me. However, I do care about as much as landing a job. Even if it’s something that doesn’t stand up to my qualifications for the moment. Needless to say I do not have a confidence issue, I’m extremely confident in myself, now-a-days one must get want one has to offer.
Making a change for acceptance is completely different in it’s own way from making a change to being noticed because, in my personal opinion, gaining acceptance is something that one would want to be apart of, to belong something, like a group/cliq and compromising who you really are as a person just to please someone and your really standing out of your comfort zone. As for being noticed by change, it’s not so much as to be apart of something, but showing that you’re something different. Showing off your individuality without compromising your comfort zone. No one changes who they really are in the inside. It’s the impression one leaves that keeps they’re memory alive.
As I’ve stated before, and in this blog, I’m doing a change because I’ve always do it for myself. I have never changed for anyone. Although the ‘thrill’ of being different and being complimented/criticized for a change comes with the package irregardless of the outcome, if I change what I look like or not. And you’re right, I shouldn’t (and I don’t) care what others think of who I really am in this day and age.. everyone, and I do mean everyone, always judges a book by it’s cover. So if one dresses sloppy but really is a neat freak… everyone will assume your sloppy.
In this day and age, everyone seems to be dressing the same and doing what everyone else is doing, and acting the same. It’s the fear of being judged. The fear of being rejected if you don’t look, act, smell, or even talk like they do. Honestly I can’t tell the difference between an Isha and a Kiki. Why should I be among them? Though My changes could be drastic as a blue hair or as simple as a chic hair cut. It doesn’t hurt to stand out. Judged or not being judge it doesn’t really matter to me. As long as I feel that my personality is really shinning through along with my changes no matter how big or small they may be. So why can’t I change my appearance and be happy with who I really represent on the inside, or be blotted out because I’m marked as just an average non-English speaking Latina girl.
This change, that I want to pursue and I’m not really undertaking right now. It’s mostly positive, in my opinion. Though everyone else, and their mama, thinks otherwise. I was never forcing myself to change who I am, I want to change how I look to match my personality. A lot of people do that. Mix Match Fashion to they’re liking and not mimicking a runway model. I see no harm in that. Some people have Mohawks because of the music they like or fashion, or they just want to stand out. Other people wear clothes from Old Navy because they’re conservative(that’s all I really got for right now).
What good do I gain in the long run is that I made a difference in my own life, a good difference, and I show that by expressing a positive change. I shouldn’t have to look like I’m depressed and crying over a man who is confused about marriage right now. Because I don’t feel depressed. I wake up with a smile every morning when I see my daughter’s face and I’m happy and vibrant why can’t I show that through the clothes I wear or through what my hair looks like? I gain, in the long run, my happiness that comes along with my self respect and how I conduct myself as a human being and a mother. Changing one’s appearance doesn’t change a one’s ability to be a mother. Liked or not liked.
The lesson that this will teach my daughter. Be whoever you want to be. The sky’s the limit. You shouldn’t have to dress a certain way because you want to be accepted in a group or have the ‘coolest’ friends. Dress how you feel and express yourself to the fullest and know that whatever changes you want, you’ll always have your mother to support you.
Individuality doesn’t mean changing who you are as a person, it means to express who you really are in the inside.
“This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night of the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.”
~ William Shakespeare
Do not desire to fit in. Desire to lead.
~ Mary Kay Ash
Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Fair enough ^_^ thanks for explaining. I understand now.
You’re welcome. : Sorry I had to type up an essay
*tries to favorite comment and fails*
I want to dye my hair asian yellow
So I can be all one color!