What drawn, and talk of peace!

By In Uncategorized

I hate thy word. As I hate Hell, all Montagues, and thee.

It's Shakespeare. If anybody cares to know, Tybalt, a Capulet, closest cousin of Juliet, is speaking to Benvolio, cousin of Romeo. Tybalt hates Montagues, while Benvolio dislikes the feud and the brawls that occur.

I'm prepared for Shakespeare throughout my English classes of grade 10-12. Grade 11 is Othello, and Grade 12 is Hamlet. What's grade 10? I'm not sure…

But bah!

I shall not care of what will be thrown at me in the near future. I shall be an ignorant fool; I have summatives! Summatives! The blasted evil things! Especially French! I'm sure to drop French next year. It's the worst ever. Our teacher makes it so busy for us too! NOT HELPING.

French summative consists of: 1. Reading comprehension. 82% or 84%. Not sure. 2. Oral Presentation. I'm going next Thursday (the 21st), and I haven't started yet. It needs to be memorized. 3. Grammar exam.

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I hate it. French.

English

Written exam. Part-novel study, part-Shakespeare. Since I'm in the Gifted class, our teacher is making us do more. Kind of benefits though. For the exam, we can choose between Ten Green Bottles (A book about the Holocaust. Yes, my teacher is Jewish.) and Lord of The Flies.

Gundam Papercraft

I haven't continued so far. Too busy with summatives. *sad face*

More school… Math/Science

Math: I'm Asian, so no problems here.

Science: Yes! My summative is kinda sorta done! At least the oral presentation component of it. I think we did really well. Our topic was The Development of Astronomical Theories. We had to make a 10 minute presentation. How the heck am I supposed to talk about Astronomical Theories for 10 minutes?!!??!

Easy. Make everything really dramatic and funny. Therefore, it's long AND funny! Yey! Two birds one stone. The way we did that was by impersonating our teacher. It was naise. =D

If you care to know, this is our script. Press Ctrl + F and type in "tl;dr" and press enter if you do not wish to read it.

Science Presentation Script

Roles: Kevin Chen: Dykshoorn
Russell Wu: Dykshoorn

(Kevin starts the PowerPoint Presentation)
(Russell turns off the lights)
Kevin: ARE YOU NUTS? Why; why would you turn out the lights?!
Russell: Of course I would turn out the lights? How; how else would the kittens see the projector screen?
Kevin: No! My mother called me a mental giant! You and those kittens are METAL MIDGETS! Lights ON! They need to see ME, AND NOT THE PROJECTOR SCREEN.
Russell: You’re WAY OUT OF LINE!
Kevin: I’m out of line?!
Russell: YES YOU ARE!
Kevin: I’M THE ONE RUNNING THIS SHOW! I say LIGHTS ON!
(Kevin turns on lights and realizes you can barely see the projector screen)
Kevin: I’m the one running this show! I say LIGHTS OFF!
(Kevin turns lights off)
Russell: Good! Anyways kittens, we will be teaching you about The Development!
(Russell begins slamming his index finger against the table)
Russell: of Astronomical Theories!
(Names appear)
Kevin: Who’s Kevin Chen and Russell Wu?
Russell: They aren’t us, so they must be MENTAL MIDGETS.
(Next slide)
Kevin: “At the center, they [the Pythagoreans] say, is fire, and the Earth is one of the stars, creating night and day by its circular motion about the center.”
-Aristotle

Russell: Why would you say that? I know the kittens are stupid, but they can read. Why would you read it if it’s already on the slide?
(Next slide)
Kevin: I was quoting Aristotle for dramatic effect! That’s how the Pythagoreans described the universe.
Russell: Yeah, but it doesn’t tell ANYTHING! Aristotle was a Greek philosopher from 384 BCE – 322 BCE. He believed in geocentrism; that means that he proposed the idea that Earth was the centre of the universe and that everything revolved around it.
Kevin: That’s nonsense! What kind of blasted idiot was Aristotle? Elements? Everything made up of Earth, Fire, Air and Water?!
(Change slide)
Kevin: And then a Roman who lived in Egypt born on 80 CE until 168 CE went CRAZY with Aristotle’s theory! There was something messed up in his head! I mean, what a NUTCASE! Look at his beard! He’s like Santa Clause! And all he did was draw inaccurate and misleading diagrams of the, so called “universe”.
(Change slide)
Russell: With the Earth in the centre!
Kevin: I KNOW, RIGHT? What a lunatic! And because of him and Aristotle, people believed that Earth was the centre of the universe until about 500 years ago!
Russell: Then this Copernicus dude came in and said to everybody
Kevin: “You’re tearing me apart!”
Russell: And went CRAZY. He drew some new diagram where the SUN was the centre of the universe and all the stars revolved around it!
Audience: Did people believe the heliocentric model?
Russell: You don’t have to answer that question!
Kevin: I’ll answer the question. You want answers?
Audience: I think I’m entitled.
Kevin: You want the answers?!
Audience: I want the truth!
Kevin: You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has search engines, and those search engines have to be used by men with keyboards. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Vivian Zhang? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Windows XP and you curse the Vista. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that XP's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And Vista’s existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives! You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at school, you want Vista in that shop! You need Vista in that shop! We use words like Circuit, Command, Firewall. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent Googling something. You use them as a punchline! I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and does homework under the blanket of the very knowledge that Google provides, and then questions the manner in which Google provide it! I would rather you just find a book and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a keyboard, and stand a desk. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to!
(Text appears about what people believed)
(Next slide)
Russell: This is a comparison between the geocentric and the heliocentric models. As you can see, the one at the top is RETARDED. I mean, look at it! Earth is in the middle! However, the one at the bottom, the heliocentric model, is a BOMBSHELL.
Kevin: Copernicus was able to figure out that the sun was in the MIDDLE AND the ORDER OF THE FIRST 6 PLANETS!
Russell: But still, I have to say that Copernicus was still a booger. That booger still thought that our solar system was the centre of the universe, and therefore thought that everything revolved around the sun.
Kevin: But he figured out that stars weren’t at a fixed location!
Russell: BUT HE’S STILL A MENTAL MIDGET.
(Next slide)
Russell: Then came Galileo Galilei.
Kevin: What kind of messed up name is Galileo Galilei?
Russell: I know right?! The last letters of his first and last names are the same except for the last letters!
(Russell sighs loudly)
Russell: Whatever. Enough of this drivels. Galileo was an Italian physicist alive from February 15, 1564 to January 8, 1642.
Kevin: As you can see, he observed moons around Jupiter, proving that not everything had to circle the Earth.
(Russell hits Kevin)
Russell: What are you doing? Stop reading the PowerPoint Presentation!
Kevin: What else do you want me to say?! That he was a Roman Catholic? That the 4 moons of Jupiter that he discovered are named after him? That he was born in Pisa, Italy? That he supporter heliocentrism? That this caused the Roman Catholics to denounce him to the Roman Inquisition in 1615?
(Awkward silence)
Russell: No! Those kids are stupid! If you tell them that information, they’re going to learn it and think it’s on the exam!
Kevin: I agree, those kids are stupid. Now to talk about Johannes Kepler.
(Next slide)
Russell: Kepler published a book on heliocentrism. However, he modified the Copernican theory.
Kevin: You just basically read the slide!
Russell: Shut up! Young man, when I was your age, I listened to people smarter than me!
Kevin: But we’re the same age!
(Silence)
Russell: … Johannes Kepler’s book included his three laws of planetary motion.
1. "The orbit of every planet is an ellipse with the sun at a focus."
2. "A line joining a planet and the sun sweeps out equal areas during equal intervals of time."
3. "The square of the orbital period of a planet is directly proportional to the cube of the semi-major axis of its orbit."
Kevin: That is very important, kittens. Not important for the exam, but still important. Ding ding ding! Important!
(Next slide)
Russell: Haven’t we seen this background before?
(Click)
Kevin: This is the same as the first slide!
(Click)
Russell: Who the heck are these Kevin Chen and Russell Wu anyways? Those lazy idiots put the first slide here again! I bet they’re Volvo haters!
(Next slide)
Kevin: Thanks for watching? Oh. Oh! Thanks for watching kittens!
Russell: Those stupid Kevin Chen and Russell Wu. Why did they put a squiggle at the end of the message?
Kevin: Anyways, I hope you kids learned something today. You kids know nothing? Does anybody know why this class is called gifted? Because we’re gifted.
Russell: All of you are just…
(Russell thinks)
Russell: (Stupid in Mandarin)

tl;dr

If you read it, good job! If you didn't… =(

But yes, you probably wouldn't find it as funny if you don't know our science teacher. He's crazy. He knows a lot of mandarin, loves old Volvos from the 50s, says that anything that's younger than 50 years is "drivels", sits in a giant ass puffy chair while we have to sit on lab stools, says a lot of random things such as BOMBSHELL, usually taken from old movies, like the "YOU'RE TEARING ME APART!" if you remember my April Fool's.

Touhou Project

I started playing! I SUCK. I DIE LIKE HELL. WTF. IT'S HARD. GAY. I CAN BARELY BEAT EASY MODE. WTF. Well, actually, I can quite easily, since it's on, well, easy. BUT YEAH. NORMAL MODE. SO HARD. WHY DON'T THEY JUST CALL THE DIFFICULTIES

Easy – HARD
Normal – HARDEST
Hard – F*CK YOU
Lunatic – SUCK MY DICK
Extra – DID YOUR MOTHER EVER LOVE YOU? WHY DO YOU PLAY THIS SO MUCH?

By the way…

I'M ON A BOAT, DON'T YOU EVER FORGET

14 Comments

David 12 May 2009 Reply

Use quotes for the Fs.

FunnyFroggy 12 May 2009 Reply

Like a Boss is better.

AznRiceFan 12 May 2009 Reply

I do not like this blog because of page stretch.

Lord of the Flies sucks.

Blackboy0 12 May 2009 Reply

MYYYYYY SCCREEEEEEENNNNNNN!!!!

Arladerus 12 May 2009 Reply

… The only difference for me is that there’s a scroll bar at the bottom.

David 12 May 2009 Reply

Thank god for my screen, tis so wide it’s not that bad.

Nass 12 May 2009 Reply

/banned for page stretching.

<3

AznRiceFan 13 May 2009 Reply
David said: Thank god for my screen, tis so wide it’s not that bad.

Nope, your screen’s just fat.

lahdeedah2 13 May 2009 Reply

OMG I LOVE I’M ON A BOAT

Arladerus 13 May 2009 Reply

Wow, David is so conformed. He sees that nobody is “liking” my blog, so he retracts his.

Ganzicus 13 May 2009 Reply

Hah. So many name removed references in your script.

dee32693 13 May 2009 Reply

[quote=Kev]IT’S HARD. GAY.

Hard Gay1!! XDDDDD

spygirl57 13 May 2009 Reply

lol its funnyy , don’t worry. 😛

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