Before I start, let me say this. As promised, this subject is something I'm a little more irritable about. But I want to get it straight with you guys right now, just because I'm writing 'rants' doesn't mean I'm obligated to write something angry every time. Those of you who think rants must be angry obviously don't know where the word comes from:
rant †be uproariously merry; declaim in an extravagant manner. XVI. — Du. †ranten talk foolishly, rave.
Hence sb. XVII.
-The Concise Oxford Dictionary of English Etymology
By loose interpretation of this definition, all I have to do is be silly. Now, on with the rant!
—NASCAR—
I don't particularly like conventional or competitive sports. I never have. I'd prefer dodgeball or kayaking over baseball or basketball any day. They're boring. I'm not going to argue why, because that's a different rant entirely. What I'm here to rant about is arguably the most boring and slow paced competitive sport in existence. It's the favorite pastime of your stereotypical beer chugging, pork rind chomping, redneck American, NASCAR is possibly my least favorite sport of all time. The very thought of it summons up images of sweaty, slightly oily fat men in stained undershirts with generous armpit hair sitting on couches all across the US while shouting to their equally obese wives for more beer and chicken wings.
That's ironic, isn't it? That I'd call NASCAR boring and slow paced? But it is, it really is. Think about it. When you watch NASCAR there are only two views you see. Outside cars, during which everything blurs by and makes noise, and inside cars. If you want to see a car go by at 188mph (the fastest recorded average speed on the fastest NASCAR track, the Talladega Superspeedway), all you have to do is drive your car at 94mph past a car going 94mph in the opposite lane. What I'm saying is, given aggressive enough soccer moms, the fastest recorded NASCAR speeds in history can be achieved by minivans.
So, cars blurring by: Boring as can be. What about the adrenaline pumping driver's view? Inside the car, where all the action is happening! No, no. No. Because when you're inside a NASCAR going 150mph, and all the other NASCARs next to you are going 145-155mph, guess how fast the relative speed is? Plus or minus 5mph. That's right. From the perspective of one driver, the other drivers are moving around the same speed as the Fisher-Price Power Wheels Barbie Jammin Jeep. You can argue that taking high speed turns and vying for position is strategically difficult and very demanding of the driver, but that doesn't do anything for the viewers. We're still watching Barbie and Ken and Kelly here.
I've presented these points to actual NASCAR fans in real life, they never bother to answer, they shrug it off and laugh. "We're really watching for the crashes anyway!" But, the answer to that is simple: If you're bloodthirsty, why are you watching NASCAR? Go watch boxing or Ultimate Fighter. Do you really just want to see cars crash? Don't wait for it to happen in real life, go play Burnout (a car game that is practically all about crashes) and enact any crash scene you can possibly imagine. Go watch any action movie involving cars, for crissakes. My point is such, if you only watch NASCAR for crashes, then NASCAR truly serves no purpose at all. So all you rednecks go get a new favorite sport! Yuck.
——
Readers! Read the comments! Alot of it is as interesting or more so than the blog!
33 Comments
lul Barbie Jeep. Hahahaha..funneh
NASCAR sucks.
The friggin’ NASCAR men are advertisements that walk and talk.
It shouldn’t even be CALLED a sport. You don’t exercise. Wtf?
Ah this reminded me that the Grand Prix isn’t coming to Montreal ever again.
🙁
@SirPainsalot: Indeed, you TELL THEM. Fight the power! And those rednecks.
@Nass: Haha, it’s okay. Just ask your little sister to drive Barbie cars with you. ^_^
Nah, Hot Wheels are better for that.
But, Hotwheels move faster than the relative speed of NASCARs, it’d be too unrealistic!
I’m not a fan of Nascar. Too much regulation, and it needs more road courses, but your argument is retarded. By that logic, ALL racing is stupid. You’re oversimplifying the situation. The speed, while awesome, is not the draw in and of itself. It’s the racing at that speed.
“You can argue that taking high speed turns and vying for position is strategically difficult and very demanding of the driver, but that doesn’t do anything for the viewers.”
Yes, actually, it does a lot for the viewers who watch it. I bet you find watching a Le Mans race just as boring, but I find it thrilling. I watched 5 hours of the 12 hours of Sebring before I had to go somewhere. That’s right, five hours of cars going around this track:
And you know what? It rocked. Just because you don’t understand racing doesn’t mean it’s stupid. Hating on it just makes you look ignorant.
@SirPainsalot: They excercise a lot actually. Why?
http://www.usatoday.com/sports/ten-hardest-splash.htm Take a look at #2:
“Skilled drivers encounter a host of problems, but rounding the corners of the track is equivalent to having three 300-pound linemen pushing you for three of the four hours it takes to conclude a race.”
“In NASCAR, as opposed to the open-wheel cars of the Indy 500, Beckman says drivers experience 2-3 G’s on turns. “Those (stock) cars, while they have aerodynamics, don’t have quite the cornering capability of an open-wheel car.”
But he says NASCAR drivers face another test: heat: “The insides of those race cars are well over 120 degrees, and they are encased inside five-layer, fireproof suits. It’s not so hot in an Indy car, mostly because the engine is behind and they’re open and they’re small.”
Through it all, Beckman says, drivers must balance smoothness and quickness. “As you begin to turn the steering wheel, you also begin to release the brake. As you come out of the corner, you begin to squeeze on the gas at the same time you’re unwinding the steering wheel. Smoothness means anticipating, applying … the controls before you need them.”
Another element is ever present: danger. Beckman says during the worst crashes, drivers can, for a split-second, experience 20 to 50 G’s. “They crash into those walls, and they just rebound from them and take a big spike” of G forces.”
I have much more respect for F1 drivers or Le Mans drivers, but Nascar drivers are no chumps.
@Tarheel:
Before you get all huffy, look at my sig. It’s there for a reason.
Now, I must say, that while Le Mans seems just as slow paced (I watched a few BEST ACTION OMG compilations online, from fans), that track at least appears to be much more interestingly designed. Compare to NASCAR:
I mean, if you can nerdgasm off of that, good for you man, but I still say for the above reasons, it’s boring as hell to actually watch.
And just so you know, I understand racing plenty. I just don’t like it. My favorite radio station plays an hour show that talks about how the scoring and rankings work, and I’ve studied the economics of the sponsorship-based team structure in my ECN 201 class. So don’t just assume I’m ragging on something I don’t know anything about. Irony: You, in calling me ignorant, were actually showing yourself to be ignorant to my lack of legitimate ignorance. In other words, you fail at being arrogant.
As for everything you say about what drivers have to go through to keep in the proper shape to race, their mental state, the dangers they face in crashes, I don’t disagree with any of that. This blog is mainly intended to rag on NASCAR’s fan base and its face entertainment value as something you’d see on TV or at the tracks.
I must say though, it’s nice to see somebody come up to defend the sport. I didn’t think my rants would attract angry zealots until I get around to blogs regarding religion, obesity, and the family structure. *lol*
I wub intense debates. Especially when one of the debaters is tarheel. :3
@Vicelin:
Well, I also prefer dictionary.com, but I used “The Concise Oxford Dictionary of English Etymology” for a reason. Etymology is the study of where words come from. My meaning is truer to the original intent of ‘rant’. Also, I think to show the tone of a truly angry rant in a blog would require alot! of! exclaimation! points! Which, quite frankly, would just make me sound stupid.
*lol* And how do you agree with Tarheel? The main thing he said was I must be ignorant, which I promptly disproved, and also that NASCAR drivers are hard asses, which I agree with, but pointed out is irrelevant to this blog.
@FunnyFroggy:
As of yet it’s a little too one-sided to be a debate.
@Nass (below):
I think you missed the point of the blog. *lol*
Yeah, I saw a NASCAR race once.
It was pretty cool. One guy kept cutting off another guy. He was an ass.
As I said, I don’t like it, but your argument is stupid. It’s like someone saying baseball is boring because it’s slow. Maybe to them, someone who’s not into baseball. But to others, it’s pretty exciting. Your argument asserts that finding Nascar slow is the only logical conclusion, and ignores all other views of it. It concludes that anyone who likes it must be a stupid redneck who’s just as slow as Nascar. You’re ignorant of the idea that people can find it exciting. Me, being into cars and being familiar with what the drivers are going through, can enjoy it much more than you who’s probably less experienced or plain less interested in it.
Let me put it more concisely. Just because YOU THINK it’s slow doesn’t MAKE it slow. Consider the possibility that it can, in fact, be exciting from the right perspective and that that perspective is not better or worse than yours.
Oh, and by the way, I’m a redneck whose GPA is probably far above yours and is a fair bit smarter than you. (That’s one of my pet peeves; why are country people inherently stupid?)
Edit: I’m no where near as “intense” as you guys think I am. I think the issue comes from the diction I use when debating. It’s kind of formal, more prose than casual, and it comes off as intense.
Ugh.
@Tarheel:
Just because YOU THINK my argument is stupid doesn’t MAKE it stupid. Kindly back some of your statements up. Like I did, when I wrote an entire blog about why NASCAR is slow.
And all that nonsense about perspective? What you’re saying is essentially relativism. What’s false for one person can be true for another. If you accept relativism, you have to apply that logic consistently: Pretty soon it becomes logical to say “Genocide is wrong for me but was right for the Nazis.” So obviously relativism doesn’t make logical sense for very long.
Anything I said about rednecks as a blatant stereotype was just that, a blatant stereotype, which I put in there for comedic value and very obviously implied that I don’t actually believe. And just so you know, I got a 4.0 GPA last semester. (I.E. I don’t care what your GPA is, mine just made yours its bitch. Unless you’re one of those losers in an easy major with honors classes, in which case I have no respect for you. I’m a Computer Engineer and it’s nothing but high level abstract math/science.) I qualify as a redneck because I live in the middle of nowhere with 5 family members and 6 pets. Again, I’m not being ignorant, you are. ^_^
Edit: Anyway, I’m going to bed now. If you want to squabble more it’ll have to wait until tomorrow. And yeah, that kind of ‘prose’ mostly just makes you sound pissed. You might want to try for something a little more casual. Although it’s less that and more the way you make personal attacks instead of valid points. Try and take me less seriously, I’m half joking about anything I write in these blogs anyway.
@Vicelin:
Happy now? People are angry! =D (By ‘people’, I mean pretty much just Tarheel. Har har.)
Well, that’s why I said “modern context” earlier. It doesn’t matter much where the word came from if we are using the modern definition, which doesn’t have to strictly fit within the original roots of the word.
And actually, you don’t need a lot of exclamation points. Read some Maddox 😀
The part that I agreed with in Tarheel’s first post was when he said “just because you don’t understand racing doesn’t mean it’s stupid”. Which I think we all agreed is true.
But this is getting a bit out of hand. Tar, it was just a silly rant. No need to get defensive over it. Remember how Applebomb reacted to my use of “communist faggot”? xD
(And no, I’m not happy that people are angry, that was a dumb question).
Augh, really am going to bed after this post.
@Vicelin:
And who’s to say I’m using the modern definition? This is my blog, I’ll pick whatever definition I want! *lol*
I have read Maddox. He’s hilarious, if tasteless at times.
I agree that my understanding of NASCAR doesn’t make it more or less valid as a sport. That’s why my arguments in the blog had nothing at all to do with my understanding of NASCAR, or its validity as a sport. (As you can see, when I put it that way, the original post is completely irrelevant to this discussion.)
And it’s not really any more out of hand than a good rant should be, they’re meant to be offensive. *lol* I haven’t even gotten started yet. You should see how many people inevitably get angry about my later blogs. By the way, calling somebody “communist” as an insult makes you seem ignorant of economic alternatives to capitolism, and calling somebody “faggot” as an insult makes you sound like an immature homophobe. That’s not even funny if you try to do it satirically. Also, I know you’re not happy people are angry, I was clearly joking. So it isn’t a dumb question, it’s a silly one. xP
Does nobody around here have any appreciation for a little bit of senseless humor?
Well, usually I’m the one getting misunderstood for senseless humor, I have to say that’s one thing you might top me at :O
My humor has subtleties! It has layers! You can’t just take it at face value! Argh. It’s not as good if I have to arbitrarily explain everything. -__-
I mean, silly people who want slapstick are supposed to go “hur hur I guess that’s funny”.
More sophisticated readers should pick up on the blatant sarcasm, and the fun I poke not just at others but at myself.
Unfortunately readers like Tarheel fall somewhere in between, taking my humor literally and seriously at the same time, when you’re only supposed to pick one or the other. I mean, just the fact that he believed I actually think all NASCAR fans are overweight and undereducated country folk? No! Learn to read between the lines! Or else stop acting like you understand everything I’m saying.
Well, if you think Tar’s reaction was bad, check out
this. I spawned a rather small shitstorm with that rant…I didn’t know wether to laugh or cry when it happened.
I mean, silly people who want slapstick are supposed to go “hur hur I guess that’s funny”.
More sophisticated readers should pick up on the blatant sarcasm, and the fun I poke not just at others but at myself.
Unfortunately readers like Tarheel fall somewhere in between, taking my humor literally and seriously at the same time, when you’re only supposed to pick one or the other. I mean, just the fact that he believed I actually think all NASCAR fans are overweight and undereducated country folk? No! Learn to read between the lines! Or else stop acting like you understand everything I’m saying.
Don’t worry, I laughed at your blog. I figure a lot of people figure the stereotype of NASCAR fans to be a joke anyway, including the fans that match that stereotype themselves. I myself am hardly a sports fan, so I call it all boring. EXCEPT WHEN THE OLYMPICS IS ON! That’s when I root for the homeland. Oh, and underwater basket-weaving; that’s too exciting to change the channel on.
Er, sorry for the double post, but I’m testing something real quick. D:
@Tarheel:
Just because YOU THINK my argument is stupid doesn’t MAKE it stupid. Kindly back some of your statements up. Like I did, when I wrote an entire blog about why NASCAR is slow.
And all that nonsense about perspective? What you’re saying is essentially relativism. What’s false for one person can be true for another. If you accept relativism, you have to apply that logic consistently: Pretty soon it becomes logical to say “Genocide is wrong for me but was right for the Nazis.” So obviously relativism doesn’t make logical sense for very long.
Anything I said about rednecks as a blatant stereotype was just that, a blatant stereotype, which I put in there for comedic value and very obviously implied that I don’t actually believe. And just so you know, I got a 4.0 GPA last semester. (I.E. I don’t care what your GPA is, mine just made yours its bitch. Unless you’re one of those losers in an easy major with honors classes, in which case I have no respect for you. I’m a Computer Engineer and it’s nothing but high level abstract math/science.) I qualify as a redneck because I live in the middle of nowhere with 5 family members and 6 pets. Again, I’m not being ignorant, you are. ^_^
Edit: Anyway, I’m going to bed now. If you want to squabble more it’ll have to wait until tomorrow. And yeah, that kind of ‘prose’ mostly just makes you sound pissed. You might want to try for something a little more casual. Although it’s less that and more the way you make personal attacks instead of valid points. Try and take me less seriously, I’m half joking about anything I write in these blogs anyway.
@Vicelin:
Happy now? People are angry! =D (By ‘people’, I mean pretty much just Tarheel. Har har.)
How do I justify whether something is exciting or not? It’s entirely subjective. There is no way you could possibly understand all that’s involved in racing unless you’ve raced yourself, and you haven’t. Just because you think watching cars battle is slow does not make it slow. I fail to see you provide any “evidence” to back up your point besides “watching cars fly by at 190 mph is boring” and “watching cars battle from the inside is boring.” That’s hardly evidence. You know why? Because there really isn’t any evidence. You can’t arbitrarily declare something enjoyable by definition. I’m sure all of you find candy delicious, but I hate it. None of us are right.
Genocide is a terrible comparison. You’re harming others, whereas enjoying Nascar harms no one. In decisions that only effect you, it is ENTIRELY subjective.
That thing about rednecks wasn’t really intended towards you. It just makes me angry that the stereotype of a redneck includes stupidity. Oh, and by the way, I have a 4.0 unweighted GPA, and a 6.0 weighted GPA this year. There is no GPA in the world that can make “mine its b****.”
Edit: I’m really not as upset as y’all think I am. O_o
Erm.
Tarheel…
Two sentences for ya.
y so srs?
You cannot grasp the true form of Munkey’s sarcasm!
Nuff sed dood.
Take a chill pil, not saying you’re angry but… It really does sound like it!
EDIT: Good job, First Argument in VuTales history! 😀
Can’t say I’m surprised at the participants.
-applause-
Meh. I hate watching sports. I would rather be playing. T.T
I fully comprehend that Munky is nowhere near as hateful towards NASCAR as Munky’s rant makes it seem. However, Munky thinks Nascar is stupid, and the reasoning behind it is stupid. I’m not going to let that go. The basic argument is that Nascar is stupid because it’s stupid. That’s a tautology, a logical fallacy.
By the way, you guys need to learn the real definition of sarcasm.
sarcasm – A form of irony in which apparent praise conceals another, scornful meaning.
The only way Munky could be sarcastic was if he actually liked NASCAR. In order for a person to be sarcastic, they can give no dictional hints that they don’t honestly believe what they’re saying. A Modest Proposal is a perfect example. If he is indeed being sarcastic, there’s no way for me to tell, because I’ve never heard Munky’s views on Nascar or racing before.
I dislike NASCAR, I just find it kind of boring watching cars go around a track.
Cars crashes are cool though.
Well, maybe not for the driver…
That’s fine. You can find something boring because you’re not into it. However, to condemn something because you think it’s boring is ludicrous.
I watched talledaga Nights, does that count for loving racing? =O
(Ricky Bobby was funneh)
@Vicelin:
I’m not going to bother reading that whole thing, but it’s perfectly understandable why people got pissed at you. Even if you really realy don’t mean it, homophobia is generally very badly recieved.
@MasterCheeze:
I do watch the Olympics some. They play alot of interesting sports you don’t see very often anywhere else.
Also, ARGH! I got RickRolled so hard my browser crashed!
@Tarheel:
To argue a subjective topic objectively, one need only define the variables. If for example I state that “For the sake of this argument we will take ‘exciting’ to mean fast paced and unpredictable.”, then I can objectively argue that NASCAR is not exciting if it is not fast paced or unpredictable.
I wasn’t comparing NASCAR to genocide, I was comparing relativism to genocide. Work on your reading comprehsion some.
If your weighted GPA is that much higher than your unweighted, it mostly just means you’re in Honors classes. What’s your major? If you get straight A’s in easy as shit classes and a bunch of them happen to be honors, 6.0 really doesn’t impress me at all.
Also, even if you are somehow arbitrarily smarter than me, that doesn’t automatically mean you know how to argue, or have any common sense at all for that matter. That just means you test well.
(Your second post now.)
I don’t think NASCAR is stupid. That’s the primary misconception you’re making here. I think NASCAR has little value as an entertainment sport. It’s a perfectly valid competition, but for the reasons stated above (slow pacing and predictable outcomes) it fails to entertain me at all.
A Modest Proposal was more satire than sarcasm. I know that’s a toughie, Tar, they do both start with an ‘s’. Sarcasm is known primarily as ironic humor framed by sardonic tone and demeanor. My rant was very sarcastic in places. I was so sarcastic you mistakenly thought I believe all NASCAR fans are uneducated bumpkins.
@SirPainsalot:
Is this really the first argument? I feel so special!
@Gujju:
I agree. I’m not cut out for something like NASCAR, but watching baseball bores me too. I do however love to go outside play a game with friends, when we can get that sort of thing organized.
@dee:
That movie was okay, but Ricky Bobby and co. were total stereotypical rednecks. Yuck.
@Vicelin:
I’m not going to bother reading that whole thing, but it’s perfectly understandable why people got pissed at you. Even if you really realy don’t mean it, homophobia is generally very badly recieved.
Except that…using the word faggot =/= homophobic. I addressed that later on in the debate you didn’t bother reading xD…oh, and I’m bisexual, so yea.
I have three gay friends and all of them use the faggot casually, so I guess that context matters. I also figured that using communist and faggot in the same sentence would kind of be a pretty big clue that I was just spewing nonsensical insults for the sake of spewing nonsensical insults.
I still to this day don’t understand why so many people took it personally when it wasn’t even meant to be taken that way.
*lol* Oh cute, you tried to sneak an extra little jab in while I wasn’t looking. That’s clever, because any future readers of the blog will think you won our lame little argument! No, no, children: This is addressed in Munky Rant 3: Camping, comment page three. :3