I borked life >_<

So yeah…hi guys.
Tis your maybe not so friendly not so neighborly Dragoon here.
Mhm.
I borked my life.
Srsly nao
I did.
And it aint gonna get better anytime soon.
Yeah yeah this is probably one of those generic "Oh shit I fail now Ima bitch" blogs…well actually it is >_>
so anyways.
Onwards~

Recently I've been depressed.
Chicks
Family
School
Society
4 reasons…actually it's mainly one chick.
lemme rewrite that list of whys.
One chick
One family
One school
And one really depressing society.
Add it all together andBAM!you get one depressed Dragoon.
Jeez this is sounding stupid to even me but whatever it's my blog.
So where to start…well hmm…guess it'd be better to start with that damn school of mine.

School

If you don't know I go to a "special" school for "talented" people!
I mean the name screams awesomeness, it's the Harmony School Of Excellence!
…
It's fucking…gay…as…mother…fucking…hell
Lookee here it's the site!
So yeah there's the site, it's actually run by an organization, called the COSMOS foundation.
Basically it's a foundation that was started by and is like 90% composed of Turkish folks.
So yeah they started building schools, and more, and more of em, and more of em, and well repeat.
They're still building more.
And it pisses me off.
Why?
Our school is basically the top one out of all 6 billion schools they made and it started off nice. 7th grade I can still remember, absolute chaos, no one knew ANYTHING about where the hell people and things went. But you know what, it kinda grew on you. The teachers were the nicest I have EVER seen in my 4 years since the opening of this institution.
My temporary math teacher and homeroom teacher Mr. Orsun, was well…the shit.
Always caring, didn't care what he had to do or what it cost him, if you were learning even at least a little bit he was overjoyed.
He didn't last long.
The foundation hearing about his awesomeness decided that, "Hey let's shuffle all of the good teachers to the new schools we're building and put in shitty ones into the spaces they left!"
And someone went, "Brilliant this man gets a payraise!"
And the foundation was happy.
The schools we're like, "We don't want to give them up!"
The foundation went, "We gives moneyz"
So the school was happy.
And the students were not.
So he got shuffled out to another city like 2 hours away, shitty teachers filled in, better teachers came, got shuffled, worse ones came in yadayada.
So the school sucks now, there's actual order and all the original and better teachers were shuffled.

Well it also used to be smaller but now that's changed.
I used to be able to name basically everyone in middle school and above.
Now…I'm lucky to able to name half of high school
Note this school was incredibly small, now It's "not that much bigger" but to me it is a lot =/
From like less then 100 people in middle and high school to now like 100 in high school alone and like 400+ in middle school…it's a pretty big shock to me.
The main thing is, is that I can not POSSIBLY see how this school got so popular.
It's shitty, it's small, and not that much better…probably in fact worse then a normal public school if you're not in the GT classes(which only take a max of 40 people a grade level, usually 15-20 tho).
So yeah school…fuck it.

That family

I dunno.
My family has always depressed me, I never really fit in with either side, being half Swedish and half Korean.
My mother's side(Korean) always seemed…distant at best, what with a language, cultural, and distance barrier between us it aint getting much better.
Everytime I visited they've changed so much and so have I, I guess.
And I notice every time I look almost nothing like them and feel nothing like them as well, sides maybe my eyes which are like a lil asian but that's it.
They have black hair, I have brown.
They're "yellow", I'm pale in comparison
Most of my cousins study like "SDKFJSBVSVISG", fuck it I give up we're nothing alike, I'm just the blond cousin to them.

My father's side(Swede)…
I derno it's mainly just a feeling brought on from my asian side.
I am nothing like them…at all.
Our hair color may match up with some of them in a way, but still.
My eyes are too asian.
My skin is too "yellow"
blah blah blah, fuck it I'm just the asian cousin to them.
I just don't fit in with either side of my family and that's just depressing for me.
I was raised on the idea that your family is the place where you're supposed to fit in the best, where you can feel like, "Hey I feel right at home here."
Fuck that shit it ain't happenin.

Then at my home.
Asian mother, 50's dad.
Means old school basically.
well dad's better but not by too much.
Lot's of stress yadayada, yeah don't need to go into it much right?

That chick

Honestly I don't know why I'm writing this.
I think VT has enough b/g relationship drama shit on it already…well if I thought like that then VT has more then enough family and society drama shit on it already too… lol well w.e
Guess I will be writing this.
Yeah I guess you could call it love…or a perennial lust…or some snazzy shit like that.
She has my wrapped around her little finger, and well it makes me happy sometimes knowing that. And that scares the fucking shit out of me.
Hell.
I can imagine the scent of her perfume right now, as I'm typing, don't have to close my eyes, just whiff the air.
I think that's creepy, don't you?
Well now I have this little voice going on in my head that is basically my "schizophrenic reaction identity".
This can be explained at a later time, but simply it's my head putting a voice to any group who I ask a question to.
Now he's going for VT,"So yeah yeah it's going great why bother?"
Well I'll tell you what my SRI, it aint. It's going fanfuckinglytasticly shitty.
It scares me to know she has me wrapped around her little finger because never before have I even considered my affections towards a girl being in the general vicinity of the four letter l,o,v, and e.
That was before her.
And this is after.
We went out, broke up, yada yada.
But I don't know.
My feelings for her have only…oh how to say it… multiplied with each day after we broke up.
We broke up for some shitty reason, all that I feel I have to say at the moment…really as if anyone cares anymore…haha…now my self esteem meter has just dropped some more ^_^.
Nuff' bout that shit.
Summary, I'm her bitch basically…her willing and loving bitch that does not want to be anything less no matter what.

That damn globalization based society

Nothing is meant to be offensive to any race or anything of the sort

So yeah this is pretty much a huge veer off of the last few things, but it kinda ties em together in a bit.
This new society depresses me.
Outsourcing, bursts and booms, India, China, the Middle East, America.
They all depress me.
Outsourcing is my main depressing factor and fear.
Why outsourcing?
Or some of you may be asking what the hell is outsourcing?
Outsourcing simply is shipping off jobs and services to other places that can do that job or service much cheaper then your current base of operations can do now. It's mainly grunt work tasks and jobs. So if you're interested in becoming a call center worker…move to India.
So now we go to, "Why outsourcing?"
Honestly I go to this damn school to get a better education during high school so I can pursue a better college in whatever profession I may choose.
I have higher expectations from my family because of that as well.
The thing is, whatever job choice I pick in the next year or two.
If it aint high end enough in the by standards in the next 10-20 years, it's going to be outsourced.
I'll be out of a job.
Have to go through the education process again to move to a higher end job, that most likely will be outsourced again in another 10-20 years.
And like hell am I going to go through a higher education learning process more then 2 times because it's fucking cheaper to get someone in India or China to do that same task.
Society depresses me.

That ends my bitching.
Good night VT

~The Dragoon