Isolation

When I look back at my life I see
An overwhelming regretful spree
That I knew I could have done much better
But didn’t. Not much of a trendsetter
Neither a gossiper, nor socializer,
Nor athlete nor activist nor womanizer,
I stood alone amongst my peers
who seemed to excel as past the years.

The opportunities I had received,
Knowledges that I had conceived
That should have gone on paper the moment
They appeared in my head. But they meant
Nothing to me, not then, because I was
Arrogant, as naive as kids
Who play in the playgrounds, filled with glee
of hide and seek and tag, alas, not me.

My life was oft dictated by another
A sibling, a friend, or my mother
Who seemed to do the best for me, even though
She denied doing wrong to my soul
And actively blames I, for my own errors,
But I accept them as my own, awash with terror
That the flaw was mine, a pink needle that
Struck my heart, one more begat.

So here I am, in a school that I despise,
Feeling neither young nor wise
But old, and as arrogant as ever, with a frown
So vile and arbitrary, probably brings people down.
But in my aorta, truth be told,
I feel no happiness, nor am I bold
So to end this poem, drive the lesson home:
I have no love. I have no friends. I am alone.

For that is my ultimate regret, sadly
A vice that skewers me ever so badly.

~Darkness