[How-To] Not Be A[N ass] While Writing Blogs

*Disclaimer: This blog has been written in good fun. In no way am I trying to offend anyone, especially not Nass. I believe he does contribute a good portion of this site.*

After reading [How-To] Write A Blog, I decided to write my own.

Recently, VuTales has been hit by a disease – no, I misspoke, VuTales has been plagued by blogs known as Nass-blogs. If you aren't aware, these have been popping up left and right, garnering a significant amount of views from bots, as well as a decent amount of pity 'likes'. This is not the path you should follow, and this blog will show you how.

A Nass blog has three great distinctions from a piece of good content. Granted, just because you avoid these three things won't guarantee that your blog will be a popular one, but it'll sure as hell not be under the "Nass" category, which is probably 1 level below "mediocre."

You see, Nass-blogs (from now I'll just refer to them as nlogs) always start out with a title that probably has nothing to do with the content. Sure , most people do that as well, but nlogs especially go out of their way to significantly deviate from a standard title. For example, if there was a blog about Mabinogi, you'd expect something related to Mabinogi as a title. A nlog however, will probably have a title like "U MAD?" or "BUST3D".

Notice how a nlog has a large tendency to have a title in ALL CAPS BECAUSE IT DISTINGUISHES ITSELF FROM ALL THE OTHER BLOG TITLES. Or if there's no caps, it has a eye-catching headline, like "Teenage Hormones" or replacing the 's' with a 'z' in a plural form of a noun, such as "Yawnz."

As a friendly reminder, it is not necessary to create a blog with a title in all-caps, or to create a catchy title using l33tsp33k or trickery. A good title announces the content. It serves as a door, and if you label the door "Heaven" while the door clearly leads to "Hell" – then you're not doing the reader any favors. Unless the title/blog is meant as something of a joke, the title should be simple enough, but have enough emphasis on the content you're going to talk about that people interested will go and read it. The reader won't feel a sense of being lured in afterward, and if they enjoy the content, then all the more thumbs up for you, which translates to 'likes'. [And no matter how much you say that 'likes' shouldn't be a reason for writing content, we're humans, we're vain, we like 'likes.']

Moving on, a nlog always has some content that involves drugs. Whether it's him doing drugs, or his friends doing drugs, or people he doesn't know doing drugs, there's always a segment, no matter how tiny, that involves some form of pot. I would like to recommend you to refrain from putting such content inside a blog. Sure, if you're making a point about it, legalizing it, whatever, that's fine. But when it comes down to being a user, or even a possessor, remember that this is public – anyone can see it. If not for your own safety, at least think about exposure. If you advocate it inside a blog, especially with a community with a median age of about 15, that's not exactly great influence.

On another note adjacent to the whole pot topic, nlogs also have a tendency to mention girls. Not just any girl, but girls with, as the most recent nlog states, "skin the color of caramel, and curves like a race car track. She gave me a raging hard-on."

There are multiple things wrong with that suggestion, if not just with that picture alone.

First of all, hyperbole is okay. In fact, I advocate making your blogs vivid with adjectives. Go wild. However, maybe it's a personal thing, but I really don't want to read about people's hard-ons. Good content is good content. Crappy content is crappy content. When a blog is talking about your erection, chances are it's bordering on crappy, if not already in deep —-.

Which reminds me, you should refrain from swearing. Unless it's a rant, or a really, really good opportunity to use it, swearing doesn't give your blog any more impact than a firecracker on top of an oil drum explosion. Besides, if you have too much profanity or NSFW content, your blog won't be frontpage'd. [Not that it matters right now, considering new blogs basically never appear so you pay attention more to the sidebar than the front page…]

Finally, don't be full of yourself. A nlog has a tendency to brag. And it's not a little: "I'm good at this," or "I successfully did something," it's full on 20 gigawatt speakers blasting achievements, even though they aren't even accomplishments.

We understand if you're happy that you got into your top choice college, or if you aced your track meet, but if you pass a class, and sound like a boss while doing it, it's much like announcing you got a bronze medal in a foot-race with 5 other snails.

We want to hear actual accomplishments. Not how many times you 'toke'd last night. Not how close you were to being actually arrested for doing drugs. Please don't sound proud while doing that. Please.

Anyway, those are my three tips on how to not write a nlog. I believe most community members already know this, but for the beginners out there, just take note.

Thanks. And now go write some good content!