What does Kevin Chen look like?

…What?

What country you from?
What?

What ain’t no country I ever heard of! They speak English in What?
What?

ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKER! DO-YOU-SPEAK-IT?
Yes!

Then you know what I’m saying!
Yes!

Describe what Kevin Chen looks like!

What, I-?

[pointing his gun] Say what again. SAY WHAT AGAIN. I dare you, I double dare you, motherf**ker. Say what one more goddamn time.

He’s a-a-asian…

Go on.
He has hair…

Does he look like a bitch?
What?

-shot-
DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH?

No!

Then why you try to f**k him like a bitch?
I didn’t.

Yes you did. Yes you did, Brett. You tried to f**k him. And Kevin Chen don’t like to be f**ked by anybody.

Unfortunately, I still don’t know what Kevin Chen looks like.

Now this has been an enigma for me for the past few years, ever since people started posting pictures of themselves and adding each other on facebook and the like, we get a sense of what most VuTalers look like. However, Kevin Chen refuses to divulge such information for no particular reason. (Well, maybe a few select people know but they don’t go on here anymore so…)

But alas, there is finally a way to acquire this piece of information. Kevin Chen effectively lives 2 minutes away from my room.

1 more problem though, we live in different buildings, and I don’t have the keys to that building…

Therefore, I have come up with a MASTER PLAN.

The first step would be to infiltrate B.HALL, I have still not completely figured out how, but I’m fairly sure it would have to be observing the people that enter his building every morning and afternoon, then figure out who is the most approachable and easy to persuade with gifts, such as candy.

The second step would be approaching them with said gifts and make an offering, then proceed to gain their trust.

After months of socializing, they would be comfortable enough and allow me to enter the premises.

The third step would be crucial, as I would need to distract them in order to get away, and start looking for Kevin Chen’s room. The problem however, is the B.Hall is a tall building, with many floors that would require a very long distraction.

This would call for my partner in crime, Sam.

Sam would act as a gateway to endless entertainment for my hosts. I would then slip away, pretending to go to the bathroom, but actually look for Kevin Chen’s room.

Once I have the location, I would have to pickpocket one of the keys, make an imprint on a clay lump that I would have in my left jacket pocket. I would then craft the key, and have complete access to B.Hall.

The fourth and last step would be to simply camp outside his room with a cellphone, and snap a picture.

And alas, I would win.