Adjectives suck.

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You heard me. You know why Hemingway was a man? Because he didn't fuck up his work with adjectives. Show me a woman who doesn't want to boink Hemingway and I'll show you a liar. You guys want to boink, don't you? Rhetorical question, I know you do.

I'm tired of them. They're overused and over appreciated. You can describe things, congratulations. Now stop clogging my brain with shit like adjectives. Women don't like it. They want a man who'll speak straight. They don't want someone who'll dance around it like a homosexual. Floweryyyy flowersssss. Oh googidy ga ga. They might not want to admit it but they want Hemingway. They want someone who enjoys life for its splendor. Not because of its fucking adjectives. Like honestly, what's the point? I'm too manly to describe anything to anyone. If they want to see it, they can hop on a zebra with their gun and hunt a fucking elephant for themselves. Not "Imagine an open plain with a massive herd of elephants. Imagine the alpha male in all his masculine splendor mounting the nearest women elephant. Now imagine a man with a small build and massive forearms that scream "SQUEEZE ME!" with an elephant gun approaching the elephant. BANG! The elephant was dead."

Now, that sounded shitty didn't it? You know why? Adjectives.

I challenge you to post without adjectives, men. Feel the testosterone and grab that female. (And boink)

14 Comments

Nass 12 January 2010 Reply

lol
Yay!

Aaron 12 January 2010 Reply

Huzzah, that sounds like a camel coming up behind a moose!

DarkDragoon 12 January 2010 Reply

That sounds wonderful, to bad my life is way to fruity to accept the loss of adjectives.
:3
Besides, chicks dig a guy who can show a little femininity.

Reve 12 January 2010 Reply

Just enough adjectives = Color, shade, and tone.

Overuse of adjectives = Gimmick to conceal shitty writing.

No adjectives = Downright crap.

Of course, all within the context of writing a story.

Lithium 12 January 2010 Reply

This blog made lul.
But seriously, adjectives are useful – just not when it’s used for the sake of using it.

Dustin 12 January 2010 Reply
Reve said: Just enough adjectives = Color, shade, and tone.

Overuse of adjectives = Gimmick to conceal shitty writing.

No adjectives = Downright crap.

Of course, all within the context of writing a story.

Hemingway won a Nobel prize and he despised adjectives.
Adjectives don’t in any way, shape or form make a story.

And he was a man.

TheSmartGuy 13 January 2010 Reply

Ummm… what?

Reve 13 January 2010 Reply
Dustin said:
Hemingway won a Nobel prize and he despised adjectives.
Adjectives don’t in any way, shape or form make a story.

But that’s different, he’s in a completely different league from the rest of us nublets. D;

irawk 13 January 2010 Reply
Zhlink said: Well, just because he despised adjectives doesn’t mean you need to to be a man.
And sides, what if one day there’s this nuclear time bomb and you’re the only one with the technical knowhow to diffuse the damn thing but the final lock is a quiz on adjectives and there’s no one else around you.

Zomg that EXACT situation happened to me yesterday!

twice

Dustin 13 January 2010 Reply
irawk said:

Zhlink said: Well, just because he despised adjectives doesn’t mean you need to to be a man.
And sides, what if one day there’s this nuclear time bomb and you’re the only one with the technical knowhow to diffuse the damn thing but the final lock is a quiz on adjectives and there’s no one else around you.

Zomg that EXACT situation happened to me yesterday!

twice

You’re my hero.

twice

darkness 13 January 2010 Reply

So… are you insisting that we shouldn’t use adjectives at all, or only use them sparingly?

And besides, isn’t that what teachers want? Make you jam sophisticated vocabulary until your piece looks like the space shuttle?

Well, from my POV they seem to imply that.

Dustin 14 January 2010 Reply
darkness said: So… are you insisting that we shouldn’t use adjectives at all, or only use them sparingly?

And besides, isn’t that what teachers want? Make you jam sophisticated vocabulary until your piece looks like the space shuttle?

Well, from my POV they seem to imply that.

Never use them. Be a man.

Reve 14 January 2010 Reply
darkness said: So… are you insisting that we shouldn’t use adjectives at all, or only use them sparingly?

And besides, isn’t that what teachers want? Make you jam sophisticated vocabulary until your piece looks like the space shuttle?

Well, from my POV they seem to imply that.

Appropriately. Don’t blanket your whole piece with adjectives just because you can. I don’t know about you, but my teachers don’t like it even if it is a lot of sophisticated vocabulary.

I don’t think you should use none, because… Hemingway used some anyway. Just in the right places to pluck the right strings.

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