Reality Kicked Me in the Nuts

DISCLAIMER: I’m actually just bitching about life. So bare with me please.

This past month, I got a reality check so hard that it made me question my own identity.

Right now, I’m a senior in college majoring in environmental science and minoring in chemistry. I’m the type of person who likes to solve problems that involves creativity and style. I was never good at the sciences, but I’m good at writing lab reports than essays. I knew that the subject is hard and very time consuming; I was very aware of it. However, I chose to stick to it because I thought that if I just keep doing it, then I’ll eventually get used to it.

That was a mistake that I should have known.

I realized that most people who beast through their science undergrad are people who are able to literally sit down for hours on end reading and memorizing facts. I’m physically able to do that too, but it requires so much focus power for me. Whenever I’m in a study session with my classmates, I’m always that guy starts talking about the most randomest shit and occasionally sit down to actually study.

That should probably be an indication.

Since I’m graduating soon, I began interning for the Massachusetts Department of Agricultural Resources and occasionally attend science meetings to build up my resume. However, the more I go to my internship and attend these science meetings, the more I don’t see myself doing this kind of stuff. Seriously, all they do at my internship is collect data, write government regulations dealing with active ingredients, and sort applications from chemical companies.

There’s no fucking creativity or problem solving involved with this shit.

It’s too late for me to change my major since I’m graduating in a year. I should have changed my major to communications or something related with design. I’m not saying that those majors are easy (or maybe they are), but at least I would have enjoyed it a lot more than memorizing science related facts that will mean absolutely nothing to me after a year.

Another thing that I realized is that

.. the recent successes of my dance career is mostly from luck and talent. I haven’t been training very hard in my practices at all this past 3 years. Well yeah, sure, I did have a couple productive practices throughout the years, but none of it has been consecutive. I just so happened to be talented at locking and lucky to be in a region of the world where there’s only like 20 people doing this specific dance. To put it into perspective, I’m like the tall kid who joins a midget basketball team playing against other midget basketball teams.

My skill level and understanding of locking is considered to be top tier in the east coast of North America. But if put me back in Taiwan, I’m like lower-mid tier.

But wait, there’s more..

Even though locking in Taiwan is pretty high leveled, it’s still like 8 years behind Korea and Japan. If you consider that, I’m just mere a stain on a canvas compared to the rest of the world…

So that’s basically what’s been going on in my head. I’m still re-evaluating myself and my view at life. Kinda wish I had this realization earlier.

But for now, I’m just going finish my degree and hopefully discover my true potential.