Great. Just great.

There's time where you want to just disappear, sink into a hole, and get buried into sand or something. Disappear totally for that second, while you feel like a total idiot, a total jerk, a total… I don't know, a total loser? That was exaclty what happened today. I was caught, red handed, taking on too much than I could chew.

It all started a while ago, perhaps a month ago. Me and my friend, let's call her Shearin, was going out. She was fun to be around with, not shy, in fact quite outgoing. Being around her was awesome, what with all her jokes and insanely funny expressions. There was nothing that could seperate us, for that few weeks. We did our homework together, practically everything. I played the guitar for her, she tried to bake cookies (notice 'tried'), and we had lots and lots of fun together. Just being with her made me feel better from a fucked up day.

The problem then started. Shearin and I were from different schools. She, was from a girl school, while I was from a co-ed (both gender) school. The problem is obvious.

How it started, I wasn't clear, but soon my friends were telling me this girl had the hots for me, and she was, well, hot. Let's call her Kelly. Ladaladalada, a few days later we started going out, eating together and I found myself spending my free time with her, at the library, at the canteen, even during free periods. Whenever Shearin asked me what was going on, I just dismissed it, saying that I wasn't free, had too much homework etc.

A week before this, our school had our Chinese New Year celebration. The most unbelievable part? We had a choir performance from a nearby Girl's school. The exact same school that she was in. But did I realise? Nope. Typical of me. As usual, Kelly and I were holding hands and chatting throughout the boring performance.

Shearin was a front row singer. She had a direct view of me. And I didn't know. We just kept chatting away, her hand still in mine. The bomb shell dropped when school ended. When my friend told me that one of the choir girls kept glaring at me throughout the performance. And that she was holding a mike but not singing. His descriptions fit her perfectly. I knew at that moment I was screwed.

After school, I went to the back of the hall. There was really no use hiding from her and pretending as if nothing happened. I waited till the backstage crew left, and then the actors from a drama club. They eyed me, and one guy asked me what I was doing. I shrugged him off and told him I was waiting for a choir girl. He told me they all left through the other door and made their way down.

I never found her. She just seemed to vanish from the school. I found her friends, asked them where she went, but they just said she had left earlier due to a headache. Her best friend however, knew what was going on and just kept staring at me, silent. I swear at that moment, I wanted to die. Just lay down in a hole and die. She was always there when I seemed to need comforting. But this time, I couldn't keep my promise. I was not with her to comfort her. And the reason she was sad was because of me.

Me.

She haven't answered a single phone call since.