Can't read my face nananana

The bell rings before I step into class and in my mind, I smile. It’s cool to be late. Some heads look up as I step in; attracted by the movement they spot from the corner of their eye. They look back soon after, glad that it’s not the teacher who walks in. I stride slowly to my seat at the back of the class, pausing to greet a few friends and ruffle Luke’s hair. As I approach my sitting area, my body relaxes slightly and I smile the first warm smile that reaches my eyes to my sitting partner, Georgina. She smiles back and we engage in small talk, having not spoken since the start of the weekends. The teacher steps in soon and lessons begin.

The bell signaling for recess rings. I motion to Georgina that I’m going to the canteen and she nods lightly. Before I stand, I ensure my uniform is slightly tucked out, my fringe goes past my eyebrows and a mask devoid of emotions is on my face. As I walk towards the front door, my hands swing lightly at my side and I throw in a slight swagger in my walk. That was the easy part.

When I exit from the classroom, I increase the swagger in my walk and constantly remind myself that it’s the uniform that is two sizes bigger, not me being oversized. People are everywhere. Sitting on the benches outside the classrooms, buzzing in their classes, kicking a ball along the corridor. I avoid eye contact with the popular clique and hurry down the stairs. While praying I don’t meet anyone awkward, I almost bump into someone. I soon realize, it’s someone I stopped talking to a year ago. We exchange quick greetings and I leave feeling unnerved. Deciding that the long route pass the hall would ensure that I avoid further confrontations with my past, I am pleased to canteen safely.

I queue up at my favourite store and silently will the queue to move faster, all the while standing in a very relaxed manner, acting as though I have nothing to care for in the world. I let out a tiny breath of relief as I buy my food and decide to walk the longer, but more isolated path back to class. Without any more nonsense, I reach my class. Luke teases me about my hair, making me horribly insecure. Yet, infront of him, I play it off and tease him back. My mask almost slips. Almost. But it holds on tight and we keep up with the ribbing while dragging others into our silly game. The bell rings again, signaling the end of recess. Lessons go on, with time seeming to drag the hands of the minute hand as it tries to move forward. Just another day of school.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnd

Okay so, school. I don’t know about you guys, but dressing is important, no? Singapore keeps the uniform system till you’re done with secondary school. My last year then. Next year it’s home clothes in school. Which kinda scares me SHITLESS. Because wtf am I supposed to wear. If I wear something that’s not super short shorts or some mini skirt shit, are people gonna look at me and go. OMGLOOKATTHATGIRLSHE’SWEARINGPANTSTHATACTUALLYREACHESHERKNEES. So fucked.

Anyway, you can say that this little short story was written with all the self confidence shit in school and society of people looking at you. It’s not really this way for me in school, just kind of. But then again, isn’t it this way for most people? Except for the people that you’re really comfortable with right? Awesome people they are indeed.

So what’s an important lesson I’ve learnt? If even if you’re not cool, act like you are. 😀