Bah. That makes me kind've mad.
Over the past few weeks, we've been visiting the counselor on and off, and I was feeling very good about today's meeting. Things have been going great from my perspective, and I've been feeling really happy and upbeat. I assume Mike has been happier too, since he hasn't shown otherwise, and when I try to bring up the relationship, he's all, 'Do we have to talk about this right now?' So, my husband calls me 30 minutes before the meeting, asking if I can reschedule. I say, okay, thinking that this is a good sign, maybe things are getting better! However, I decide to just go solo this week, since I rescheduled last week, and I think it's good to keep him updated.
I talked with the councilor about my relationship, and how it's been feeling better, and we've both been trying really hard, but I've been worried of falling back in love with him (which I keep finding myself doing), because I'm afraid he'll still leave at any moment. Dr. B told me not to think about it too much, and although it'd be too much to 'test the relationship waters' everyday, try to bring it up with him at least once a week, and to work on making more agreements, to see if we can meet up on more levels.
So, I get home, excited to talk to Mike about it, feeling like we're making real progress, and we start talking, then I notice something's bothering him, so I stop and I'm like 'What's wrong?' and he tells me that he hasn't felt any happier, and that he's not making me as happy as he could, and that he didn't think we were working out, and he felt more like an older brother. This to me, felt like a punch in the stomach, since I feel like we've been doing better, and I find myself falling for him again and again. Goddamnit.
He suggests a trial separation, and he's like, what do you think? And I'm about to talk, and he's like, 'But don't take anything into consideration that I just said.' And really, how can I not?! I thought we were doing much better, that we were on our way back up, and he's just has shot me down. Again. I tell him I have to take into consideration what he said, because a marriage is a group effort, and although previously I was thinking it was getting better, I want him to feel happy too, so I think this is the next best step.
By this point, he says that maybe I can't make him happy, and maybe he got married too early. So, he says he wants to separate, and that he'll go stay with his friend Joe for a couple of weeks/months. He's coming back to pick up his shit today.
I gotta say: FML.
~Mip
8 Comments
There’s no way I can “like” a blog like this…
I’m really sorry. 🙁
But like you said, marriage is a group effort, and you can’t force him to stay with you. Not that you are but I’m just saying…
I’m sorry. 🙁
Oh Mip. I can’t really say that I know what you’re going through but I had the similar relationship with an Ex of mine. I was moving on up with a job, my own place, my own car and he didn’t want to be left out and he didn’t want to move on up with me, by having a job a car etc…. And for him not doing his boyfriend duties. A friend of mine did. And I guess he saw that as an open opportunity… Well… moving forward a few pages. I told him I didn’t love him anymore. I love him like I loved my brother. He was hurt but it’s just that he wasn’t motivated to move forward in life and I was.
But I am not, at all, saying that it’s your fault. Some guys just have a reason to act flaky in marriages/ relationships. Perhaps a separation is a good thing. It would probably determine if he’s really in this marriage for you and him… or if he’s regretting everything he’s made. And after everything’s said and done you might see him as he really is and not who you pictured him to be.
He should be mindful though, he’s not divorced just separated… I don’t want to worry you or anything but when things turn out like this I always have a feeling that He’s going to end up doing something that will completely piss you off and loose faith in him and he’ll regret it for the rest of his life… I should know… because it had happened to me.
With that being said and done, why don’t you go out on friday with some of your female friends and “paint the town red”… it’ll take your mind of this crazy foolishness you’re husband has thrown at you.
…Amanda?
@Aaru: I absolutely will. I’m gonna head out with some girlfriends of mine this weekend for a night on the town. And I understand his side, that he is not happy, and that’s why I’m not too upset over this, because to have a good marriage, both parties have to be happy, not just me.
~Mip
@Mip: you go girl lol. seriously, something like this does hurt but it’s nothing to fret for. No man, and I mean, no man is worth cry or even loosing your hair over. Men come and Men go, nothing last forever. ♥
if u plan to live together again, make sure you to have separate rooms, 1 for each of you. privacy thing and stress reliever (like when you are having a conflict u will be able to get away from eachother without having to leave the house.
Not that i know what im talking about, just a random thot. good luck 😀