oh f*ck no. [Part 2]

make things easy… small blogging community or not… Id rather keep the identities a secret D=

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Mary was my first crush.
– from a physical point of view, not tall enough
– somewhat fake; two faced

Amy is my current girlfriend and my first.
– tall
– smart and able
– burden at some points in life
– very dependant

Dan is the one that I kinda like, the problem/solution.
– tall
– skinny
– great endurance with two jobs and school at the same time
– extremely independent

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I kinda secretly scrambled some things so no one knows, once again. I guess I’m open to sharing this stuff if I stay anonymous, but if I were asked to say it in person, I would only say it to the closest people I keep dear. You guys are AWESUMMMM.

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So at work, we were planning the second outing since we loved the first one so so much. To be honest, I never had so much fun since prom. This time, my phone was… broken, sorta, just not functioning properly. I was trying to arrange this next event since I love arranging events so I was going to text Dan, except my phone was malfunctioning. I asked another girl to text her, and she responded with a:

“why isn’t he texting me himself?”

Haha… so I stick my SIM card in her phone and texted back. Then it was an endless conversation once again… back and forth, to and fro. To be completely honest, I enjoy all those endless conversations and like RIGHT NOW, I’m still texting her with my phone, which I later fixed. I know where she lives and I’m going to drive her next time ;D

We got a camping trip coming up and I personally asked her to come. Well, you see, there are 3 guys and 5 girls going on and the tents fit only 2 people per. I would feel super-ass guilty if we had to share a tent for those three days and two nights.

———-

Flashback to Mary, she was my first crush in grade 5 all the way to grade 12. I realized some things I thought or assumed about her were not true. She was somewhat fake in her personality when she opened up to me. We were very close that last year. I wasn’t really looking for a relationship until I finished university, but there was a chance so I took it? She started a few gossips and things, which I didn’t think was necessary. Not only that, her marks plummeted big time, which was too much for me. (I also like smart and capable girls)

So I had to make a touch decision, and reconsider? I’m not sure if I was a jerk, asking another girl to prom after asking her, but truth be told, she WAS going to say yes, but she never said it to my in person, so I guess I am still allowed to ask? But like I said, she ended up not going to prom with anyone and I feel that I am partially responsible even though lots of guys are constantly around her >_> Haven’t talked to her since.

I’ve been at her house twice and in her room once. After graduation, she was no long in my head a all but I do admit that I creep her FB page once every few months.

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Current girlfriend, Amy, We’ve been going out for 2.5 years already and I really don’t think we’ve gone a single month without arguing besides the first month. We’re tolerating each other for now and I don’t feel like its the same any more. I get yelled at for the smallest things and before, I wouldn’t say anything, but now, I argue back. We’re falling apart unless something happens but she chooses to work rather than going out so what can I do? I think we saw each other too much. Right now, I really want some space and freedom. I don’t want to be stuck under her surveillance all the time. She was complaining that I didn’t tell her who I went out with and where I went the last time I went out with my co-workers… -_-

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YAY. So I fucked myself over? The last 20 people I texted on my phone were all girls. Does that mean I’m unhappy with my current relationship? Amy doesn’t occupy my thoughts as much any more whereas I’m always thinking of Dan yet I’m not jealous of her current boyfriend. @___________@

Wooooooooooo. What’s going onnnnnnnn? I don’t want to ruin two relationships so one can form, but at the same time, both of us are seeking for a happier one.