Impressions and Assumptions.

This isn't a rant really, but it's more "emotional" than general blogs.

So at like 11pm I hear a knock at the front door. "Fuck that. I'm in my bed watching a film, I ain't getting up."
Someone pulls the front door open.
Them and whoever is at the door begin to talk in hushed tones. Curious, I went to my window to see who it was.
A nice police car was sitting in my driveway. "Oh fuck!" I whispered. Tbh, yes I did panic like a bitch, but I was justified to act that way.
I considered every option. Were the cops here because of my party? No, because then they would have came on the same night.
Did I do something illegal? Not unless youtubing stuff is illegal now?

I, I, I. Never once did I consider anyone in this house having a problem.

I ran over to my stash spot and pulled out my weed. The cops stepped outside to go fill out the report in their car so I blitzed into the bathroom.
"Goodbye wonderful weed" I tossed my baggie into the toilet and flushed. Now they can't pin me with possession. I ran to Medusa's sleeping place and pulled her out "Good night for now Medusa.." I tore away at the tape and ripped the mouthpiece out and hid it somewhere, I took the 2L bottle and rinsed it out with soap. Okay, now I just gotta deny and they can't pin me with anything.

Suddenly, the front door closes and the house is filled with silence. I look out my window again, and see my older brother walking towards the police car. "Oh shit." My first thought was he's getting the blame for the party. But no, it couldn't be that because it all would of happened that same night. Did he threaten someone AGAIN (about 2-3 years ago, he was arrested for death threats towards some girl)? No, they would have taken his computer like they did last time AND he would be in handcuffs.

My brother gets in the back of the car, and an ambulance truck shows up. Now I'm really confused. "This can't be for the party then" Kinda regretting flushing my stuff down the toilet.

Then they all just drive off. Without mentioning a word to anyone in the house, hell, if I hadn't been up NO ONE would have known.
I ran up to my brother's room, his cellphone lay there beside an unfinished Monster Hunter level or boss w/e.
That means they left in a hurry.
His computer was on and unlocked, he ALWAYS locks it. Now I'm REALLY worried.

The nearest police station is like 5min drive from my house, and as much as I wanted to go, I couldn't leave my little brother at home. So I call the police station.

Long story short, apparently, he was planning to OD or something medical-like himself because of this girl, and she freaked and called the cops.

Crazy shit huh? Tell me about it. Over the past 3 years (or whenever he got arrested the first time) my parents always ask me if he's "depressed" or "going through a hard time." I always denied it, because trust me, I burn like 3 hours every single day with this guy I'd know if something was up.
I was under the impression that he just liked the attention everyone gave him. No biggie, took the spotlight off of me. My mom thought HE was doing drugs, never even gave me a glance about it. Made my life easy.

My dad would work the same way, like my mom, he would sometimes (say my brother was in the shower) pull me aside and ask me questions about my brother.
"Is there anything I should know about your brother?" It almost always opened up like this.
"Are you sure?"
"What does he do when he's on the computer?" Another common one. I can never give for sure answers, because there's so much you can do on the web.
"Did he mention anything to you?"
"Is he acting weird?"

Questions that repeat themselves over and over again. As always, I'd say the same things over and over. How else was I supposed to answer? I was always cool with him, he was always cool with me. We never fight and always laugh together. How is he depressed?

So this question period went on for like 3 years, and my parents would go as far as pay me to "speak up".

I assumed he was just getting some attention.
Never crossed my mind that he'd go this far, in fact, just this morning we went to go buy earphones at a store. I was telling him about my party and how much fun I had.

Looking back on it now…maybe I shouldn't have talked the way I did. I was flat-out bragging the whole way. Every so often he would say like "Wow, that's sick!" or "You guys are crazy!" He also told me about his days in high school. Every all drank, and no one smoked. We laughed at how opposite our 2 year gap was. Just two HAPPY brothers chatting away.
I remember him telling me how he's always wanted to try it, for the social aspect of things.
"No." I had said. "Don't start just because you wanna make friends. You toke because you want to toke. You'll make friends along the way."

I shouldn't have bragged. I mean for all I know he could actually look up to me now as "successful".
I mean, I'm getting the grades, I'm getting money and I'm also having loads of fun. You can see where my reasoning comes from.

But I dunno, I really don't want him to follow my example. He just seems like…if I helped him get started, he'd learn how to stand on his own two feet and just burn all his money buying weed, kinda like what I do. But at least I'm not at legal age yet, the only thing I gotta worry about is not having enough money for junk food or clothing.

He's got a future to think about now, he still has to get his HS diploma and then start thinking about college. Once he's got that figured out, THEN he can smoke every now and then.

Dammit, how could I be so stupid? I should have known something was up man, some brother I am.

Well, if you read everything, thanks I just had to vent. Please, none of this off topic "lol dislike" bull crap you guys ALWAYS do to my blogs.
Either have something important to say or just leave this thing comment-less. Thanks.

~Nass