Addicted?

As I get older. Every passing day I spend talking with the people I know and love, I get a little bolder about my drug use.

Today marks the day my father believes I have a drug problem.

This came as a real shock because I really love my dad, he doesn’t really know it yet, but he’s had a real impact on my life.
Because of him, I want to become a radio announcer, or some sort of journalist.
Because of him, I gained a HUGE confidence boost (which is why I’m so cocky in what I do sometimes.)

And many others,that I’m way too lazy to type up now.

Anyway since after all this is my main man speaking to me, the Big Cheese, the guiding tool to how I act, I took a moment to reflect on my current situation.

Yeah, I guess I smoke quite a bit. and I agree that I spend quite a bit of money on weed, that much I can agree on.

But do I have a problem? I don’t think so.

I have gone on sober streaks before, and I still have the ability to determine when a good time to get high is.
Still have my priorities too. Finishing my education,friends and family,my own well being etc..

So my dad asks me how much time a day do I think about weed.
“A lot.” I replied. Probably not the best answer,but it’s true, it’s something I’m really passionate about, so obviously I’m gonna think about it a lot.

Then he asked my why I do what I do.
That was tough. Because my answer for that has molded over the years.

At first, when I was a wee 14 year old. I fell in love with weed. Getting that head rush and the high that came with it was the best thing on Earth. I wanted to abuse that feeling for as long as I could.

That summer, I started to see the effects of doing drugs in general. My personality definitely started to change, and I’m sure my blogs have too. Remember when this was all I used to talk about?
I began to see the dangers of being high, the fear and uneasiness that comes when in a public place. The slight “oh shit.” moment when you see a cop car. etc…

At this point, weed was still fun, but I had to be REAL careful. And that fact alone made me wonder if it’s worth all the trouble.

At the start of this school year. I’ve matured even more. I knew the basic tools of the trade, knew the prices,strain names,drug slang that came in my area. I started buying in bigger numbers. Knowing that it’s cheaper to buy a lot at once,because the rule of $10/gram doesn’t apply.
My knowledge grew as school dragged on, the places to hide my weed,how to mask the smell without using Axe or some shit,how to get it from point A to point B. Stuff like that.

I started to appreciate my highs, and learnt how to be productive while stoned. As I associated myself with all types of people, my knowledge on drugs in general sprouted.

Now of course, this doesn’t mean I want to take any of those other drugs.

(Except for Ecstasy. I’m probably gonna try that this summer/sometime in the near future.)

Once you expose yourself to the deep drug trade market. You start to see things. Reminds me of the first time I saw someone snort something for the first time. I was like “OMG DUDE IT WENT UP YOUR NOSE!”

Anyway, that’s when I hit my so-called rock-bottom.
This was a VERY scary situation because it was so sudden, and I didn’t have the tools to help myself like I do now.

Getting high was harder than ever, because each time it would lead to a panic attack (not as major,but still).
I considered quitting weed for good,because it wasn’t bringing me joy anymore.

A few tries later, I had an excellent high, and I knew I was back in action.

I also found a new reason to smoke, it helped with my anxiety, that I guess I’ve developed. (weather I’ve developed it because of my usage is still debatable however.)

Which leads us to today. I am in love with weed again, much wiser & more open-minded that I was when I was 14. I’m starting to see the productive side to it. And I’m starting to voice my opinions on legalization.
My thoughts on how other people see me, a 16 year old stoner are going away. In fact, I’m more determined now to prove them wrong.
It would be awesome to become a CEO of some rich-ass company and then just be like “haha told you stoners rule!”

Addicted to weed? Nah.

I just like to experience things with a different point of view sometimes.

Proud to be a stoner.
~Nass