Learn Basic Math. Please.

And note, when I say basic math, I mean addition and subtraction. It's frankly appalling how many people cannot do even the simplest of subtraction problems in their own head. I can deal with it when it's a little kid who can't do math. You haven't gotten to money subtraction yet? It's okay. Here, let me show you real quick. There. That's better ain't it? You have 1.67$. In pennies. Yes you can get a bottle of pop.

Quick and painless.

I am referring to the adults who cannot do math in their heads. Grown up human beings. People who are responsible for their own mortgages, car payments, cell bills…but when it comes to the idea of adding and subtracting, I don't know what it is, but they turn into absolute retards at the mere thought of it. I can see the drool.

Allow me to share with you a horror story of one such woman, in simple script format, to highlight this phenomenon.

Woman walks into the store. She's got 30 dollars in gas on the pump. She hands me 3 20 dollar notes. Do that math real quick. Tell me what you come up with. If you said 70, congratulations, you're an idiot. She hands me 60 dollars in 20s for a 30 dollar purchase.

Fine, no worries. They're fairly new bills, I figure they must have gotten stuck together in her wallet, it happens pretty often. I hand her back the unnecessary 20.

She hands it back to me.

Confusion sets in.

"Did you want me to break the extra 20 into smaller bills…?" I prompt gently, gesturing to the 40 dollars in my hand. This also happens fairly often. I'll rant about that later.

"No, I want 30 dollars in change."

Now, the people in the audience who passed 5th grade mathematics are tilting their heads in confusion. Let me reiterate. The woman has 30 dollars in gas on the pump. She has handed me 60 dollars in 20 dollar notes. I require only 40. Why? Let me break it down for the derp-a-derps. 40-30=10. 60-30=30, which is in fact, 20+10. Huh. Wait a second…I do that math in my head a few times, just to make sure I'm not going to make a retard of myself. When satisfied that it's sound, I quirk my head at the woman.

"I beg you pardon, ma'am?"

"I want 30 dollars in change. I got 30 out there. I'm giving you 60. I want 30 back."

There it is again. My heart sinks. It wasn't just me mishearing her, or an accident. This woman wants back a 10 dollar note, plus…her own 20 note. I attempt to explain this.

"Ma'am, you've given me 60. I only need 40."

No dice.

"But I want 30 dollars in change."

"Ma'am. I will be giving you back your own 20 if I punch in 60 dollars to my till."

"I had. 30 dollars. In gas."

Ohhh boy. It's the voice. I hear this voice a lot when working with people. It's a bit ironic really, often times when people are being stupid, they talk to me like I'm the stupid one. In other words, the woman is now leaning forward over the counter, fixing her eyes on mine, and speaking in a low, clear voice, much like one would to a 5 year old.

"I know that, ma'am. And you've given me 60 dollars. If I punch in this order, you will be receiving 30 dollars in change. 20 of that will be your own 20 dollar bill, which you are insisting I take. And then give back to you."

The customer begins to become irate, repeating to me her order and the amount she has given me. My heart breaks. Feeling like a complete and total fool, I punch the numbers into my till. But in a last ditch effort to make her see her own mistake, I hold up the extra 20 high above my head. In go the numbers. 60-30=30. I remove a 10 dollar note from the till, and raise that too above my head. I place the two notes together above my head, and hand them down to her, pleading with my eyes for her to understand what she has just made me do.

"THANK you."

She storms out in a huff.

The customer who has been standing behind her stares at me in shock and horror. We share this moment together, reassuring ourselves that we were not simply hallucinating the whole thing.

"Did she just…?

"Yes. Yes she did."

"…wow."

"Yeah…"