Backyard.

Thursday.

I waved her off as she boarded her subway train, the riptide of wind blowing papers and lost tickets along the floor of the subway lobby. Heading down the escalator, I fingered around for my wallet and found it, pulling out a token the size of a dime. Slotting the dime into the ticket entrance and ambling up to the yellow line, I peered in both directions, looking for the subway train to arrive. Sure enough, with a shrill whistle and a green light leading it, it slid past me and stopped with a loud creak, the doors opening.

I get off at Union Station, a large, multi-level hybrid subway/train/bus stop in the heart of downtown Toronto. Running to the train lobby, I glanced up at one of the various large TV screens located sporadically across the lobby. My eyes scanned the screen quickly as I ran.

Mount Pleasant – 6:45 pm – 3
Georgetown – 6:50 pm – 13
Brownstone – 6:50 pm – 12

Sprinting up the stairs, following the signs, I ended up on Platform 13. The train station above ground was a ceiling covered steamhouse with large trains overpowering the scene. Boarding the nearby train, I found a seat on the upper compartment. Dropping my bag onto the floor, I slumped into the sleep and fell asleep almost instantly.

I woke up abruptly. My station had arrived. Holstering my backpack, I step from my seat and entering the exiting line, walking down and up stairs towards my parked car in the lot of Bramelea GO Station.

It was raining. My car was drenched, as was I after just 2 minutes of walking. I got in and threw my bag to the passenger seat, turning the ignition and driving out of the lot.

The odd moonlight shining through my windshield created mottled streams of illumination on my hands and my face as raindrops fell and my wipers caught them, throwing them away, allowing the now unrestrained moonlight to shine brightly.

Arriving home, I parked the car in between my parents' vehicles. Grabbing my bag, I got out of the car and walked up my driveway towards my house. I arrived at the porch and set my bag down on the floor. Fumbling for the keys, I could hear little paws scratching the door on the other side.

"Arf, arf!" The scratching continued, more frantic. Snickering, I finally found the proper key. Turning the lock, I opened the door.

Jasper, my 9 month Shih Tzu puppy, came running out once the door opened. He jumped up to my legs, clawing at me to pick him up, his small tongue flopping out. But before I could lean down to lift him, he ran off, down the porch and into the rainy night.

"Jasper!" I ran after him, leaving the front door open. He had bunny-hopped down my front steps, and was about to run onto the street, nearby.

"Jasper! Come here, you want a treat? Jasper, come here!"

The bright flood of headlights blinded me as a large black SUV rounded the corner of my lot. He was barreling down my street, appearing to be in a rush. Jasper was in the middle of street by this point. I was at the sidewalk, temporarily paralyzed. My sister had run out of the ajar door to help capture Jasper. She skidded, screaming.

"JASPER! COME HERE, NOW!" Jasper looked at the approaching SUV for a second before running down the street away from it, panting.

"JASPER!" My throat was strangled as I ran along the street after the SUV. I heard the screech of tires, the sound of thunder, and a small yelp. Then silence.

It was as if the world had gone quiet. My movements slow and rugged, as if I was moving through water. I was sprinting, but I wasn't moving. Why wasn't I getting any closer? Why was it so quiet? Anyti…anytime now, Jasper would come bounding back towards the house, his tongue licking his nose..

The scream emitting from my sister was piercing, indefinite, absolute. Her throat sounded strangled, pleading with the rain for an answer. It was my stimulant..I ran full tilt towards the SUV as a young man fell out of the front seat and walked towards the front of his car. Why was he walking?! We need to get there now, I need to fin-

I arrived. My heart stopped. Something reached from behind me, thrust its arm through my back, and ripped my heart out. My throat had no words, my mouth no saliva. Jasper lay there on his side, almost peaceful..sleeping. His eyes closed, his tongue as it always was, slightly flopped out of his mouth.

Buildings fell. The sun winked out, the moon floated away. My head exploded. My sister, on her knees beside me, screaming, crying. She fell on his face, tearing into the floor. My mom and dad, running behind me. I wasn't sure what was going on. People everywhere in bathrobes, shirts, coming outside their houses. My mom..shaking, crying, my dad, somewhere, on his phone, my sister, shuddering uncontrollably. The rain continued to fall, the thunder cracking the sky.

Everything was gone. My eyes blurred.

My limbs did not belong to me anymore. We walked inside, carrying him. No heartbeat, no blinking, no yawning. Neighbors offering assistance, a white truck with men in white came running to my house. My mom on the phone, weeping, my relatives visiting throughout the night and offering their condolences.

My dad was in the hospital. A few hours in, he had gotten a heart attack. We visited him, comforted him.

The funeral was held in the backyard of my house. We had a little grave and a small tombstone. My neighbors, my SUV man, my relatives, all came.

My dad died 2 weeks later.

25 years later

I arrived at the neighborhood, parked on the street and climbed out. The streets were worn and brown. The house decrepit and old. We opened to flimsy fence to the backyard, me and my sister. She wrapped her scarf tighter as she lay down the yellow roses on the base of the grave, crying silently. Little poppies had grown in the mound, poking through the soil. I fell onto my knees and patted the ground, my heart ripping out again..

With a start, I looked around. My train was leaving the station, I found myself walking down the stairs with my backpack on my shoulders. Shuddering and tearing slightly, I made my way to my car and sat there.

Welcome to my life.
~Pir

Author's Note: I began to tear up in the middle of writing this. This is an account of one of my many blackouts that day, if you don't understand what's happening.