What does gaming mean to you?

I’ve got sleeping problems. So here I am, writing a blog instead of sleeping at 5:30 AM.

So…. What does gaming mean to you?

I thought I once knew the answer to that question.
I thought I had a perfect answer that would satisfy forever.
But it didn’t.
And now I’m lost and confused.

What did gaming once mean to me?
Gaming was a fun past time.
I sat there on my couch and played games and genuinely enjoyed it. It was fun.
Gaming also brought me into another world.
Gaming was a place where I could forget about problems and concerns.
It brought me somewhere else where I didn’t have any responsibilities. Other than saving the dragon eggs in Spyro or rescuing the princess in Mario.
Sounds just like most people’s reasons for gaming.
But to be honest, I didn’t really have any responsibilities to escape from back then.
You don’t really have much as a child. Other than doing your business in the bathroom and maybe colouring in a few pictures for homework. Even then I was a lazy ass and had my dad help me colour in stuff. Good times.

As a young boy, I loved the SNES and Playstation. I remember getting excited when playing Herc’s Adventures with my cousin. I remember Puzzle Bobble was a game where everyone had fun shooting coloured bubbles at other coloured bubbles and watching them pop.

Slowly, I transitioned from the console to the pc. There, I followed my friend around. He would always find the coolest games to play. First it was BattleOn. I remember the days where I spent hours playing that thing. I laughed at every corny joke and fought just about every monster hundreds of times. Then it was Gunbound. I didn’t know that it was secretly teaching me math at the same time. I was too caught up in shooting boomerangs from impossible angles. It was quite the blast.

Then came Maplestory. The only game I ever regret playing so much. Sure, I’ve played bad games that were a complete waste of time but I never regretted playing them as much as I did Maplestory. It wasn’t that Maplestory was a bad game; it was quite fun when you played with others. Maplestory was my first taste of the real world: making trades, working together on quests, getting scammed, making friends, losing friends, etc. There were a lot of things that the game showed me. But soon I became addicted to it. And somewhere along the way, I stopped playing the game for enjoyment. There was nothing fun about grinding to level up. There was nothing fun about spending hours hunting for an item that I never was able to get. But the game did make me forget about any responsibilities I had.
That addiction led to a mistake that I made. One that I can never forget. I didn’t have a second chance to make it right.

Nevertheless, gaming continues to dominate my life. I started playing other games that I found fun. But over time, it’s gotten harder to recreate that sense of fun. Playing League of Legends just doesn’t do it anymore. Nor does shooting people in Killzone 3. I just can’t feel the joy anymore. But I still can’t stop. Gaming has become this senseless way to kill time. Worst thing is that all this time that is used isn’t spare time. It’s not that I could have used it to do something productive, it’s that I SHOULD have used that time to do something productive. Those responsibilities that I ignored to game is coming back to bite me in the ass. Worst of all is that I didn’t have fun being lazy and procrastinating. I didn’t truly enjoy the time I spent gaming. I just did it to kill spare time I didn’t have.

In a way, gaming keeps me connected with others. Sometimes League is the only way to talk with people I haven’t seen in a while. League is still fun when I play with friends, however, that isn’t often. Those guys are a bunch of responsible people with responsible stuff to do. Yet I still mindlessly play by myself when I don’t really have fun doing it. Maybe it’s the competitiveness that keeps bringing me back. Maybe.

I don’t know why I still game the amount that I do. Gaming should be about having fun. I just don’t see the appeal anymore in today’s games. And yet I keep playing.
Maybe it’s an old person thing.

I’m not having as much fun as I used to, but I am seeing and appreciating other things in games.
Games like Journey never cease to amaze me. Everything is so perfect: the visuals, the soundtrack, the way you interact with others. The whole experience is phenomenal. I appreciate it in a different way from all the other games I’ve played. There not much fun to be had… instead there’s this other weird feeling.

I don’t know what gaming means to me anymore. I don’t game for the same reasons I once did; I don’t really know why I still game so much. Maybe I’ getting old. Maybe I’ll find that joy in gaming again. Or maybe I’ll give up gaming and do something productive.

…

Nah.
So… why do you guys/gals game?

(Side note: … this keyboard sucks. I hate it so much.)