Who wants to read about my life? Edit:+ Merry Christmas (& happy new years)

Absolutely no one. Not even me. Really.
Cuz it’s boring as shit. Honestly.
But that won’t stop me from continuing anyways. I advise you to leave now.
If you really want, you can keep reading.
But remember, no refunds on the time you spent on this blog.

I meant to write a new blog several months back… in fact, I almost did on the very first day of school- all the way back in September. But then this wave of laziness hit. And finally it wore off. Mostly. So here I am.
I’ll try to keep this short. I just checked the last 3 blogs I did. 800, 900, 1100 words… So I’ll make this one under 1000 words? After all, it’s 1000 words that could have gone into my 4,000 word essay. Which is, right now, at a total of zero words. And technically, it was due two weeks ago. Shit.

I imagined high school to be something amazing. You know, how all the movies depict it? Bullying. Drugs. Girls.
Yup. I though high school would be a place where I would experience something… different.
Maybe it’s just the shit IB program. Maybe that’s what killed it. Studying, working… that was the typical IB life.
We were separated from the normal high school life… I didn’t get to experience any of the “fun” side of high school.
But then again, I wasn’t your typical IB student. I didn’t study much. Or do my work. I just gamed. A lot.
I found some people who were alike… we eventually all got into League of Legends.
But something irked me. My marks were amazing like what I was hoping it’d be. Though, given the fact that I didn’t put the slightest bit of effort into school, I was actually pretty content with my marks. I liked my mark-to-work effort ratio. It was much higher than anyone else’s. After all, dividing any number by zero creates infinity. Not too bad.

I wanted high marks. For university, of course. But I was lazy. And even worse, my grade 9 science teacher convinced me that my grade 9 and 10 marks didn’t count for anything. Grade 11 and 12 is where I would have to work hard as it would actually count. So until then, I wouldn’t work that hard.

That was three years ago. Now I’m a senior.
I didn’t think I’d see the day come… but honestly I should have expected it sooner than later. In elementary school, I never thought I’d graduate from grade 8. But, of course, it eventually happened. And every time in high school I looked back to that moment, I didn’t feel like I really changed since then. I didn’t feel stronger, wiser, or more mature. I didn’t feel it, but I know I definitely changed. Everyone did; they must have. Otherwise they wouldn’t survive in high school.

So. Here I am. In my senior year. It’s almost the end of my high school journey. And yet… I feel unsatisfied. I feel like I haven’t lived during my high school years. I don’t want it to end… I don’t want to enter university.
And yet… at the same time, I really want to finish. And it’s not just because I’ll never see my physics teacher again. The independence and freedom in university… is so alluring. I’ve had tastes of it before and I enjoyed it. A lot. And I lust for more.

But to get there… I have to finish high school first. And furthermore, I have to get into a university. And here comes my dilemma:

I’m not ready for university. Neither are my marks.
I’m not mentally ready. In what regards? Well, I feel like I haven’t really experienced high school yet, that’s for one. But I still have a few months… to make the best of it. And maybe I can wrap up that feeling.

But that’s not the problem.
I’m not mentally ready… because i don’t know where i want to go… or what I want to do. For the rest of my life.
I understand that what you study in university might be completely unrelated to your future job. That’s how it is for some people. Some get the chance to do something else even bigger. Some don’t get any chance at all.
But I feel that whatever I do end up studying will net me a job in that field. For a very long time. So of course, I want to study something I enjoy.
So the question is, what do I enjoy?
I’m not too sure.
I feel like I should have the answer to that. Everyone else is ready. Everyone else is sure of what they plan to spend their life doing.
Some have been certain before they even got to high school.
So what about me? What is my plan in life?
Simple. I don’t have one.

The plan, I mean. Not life. I have a life. Or at least, I like to think that I do.
I’m always unprepared for everything. Some people have heavily criticized me on this. Namely, my mother.
But not having a plan and being flexible? I like doing that. That’s just who I am. I feel that it makes life a tad bit more exciting. Not knowing what to expect is always more interesting. I either have to make myself better at predicting, or just not care at all and go with whatever happens.
Problem is, I’m not very good at being flexible; successively, anyways.
For a good portion of my life, I’ve had my parents dictate my path for me. Not to say that it’s bad! They chose my name. They chose my school. They chose my extracurricular activities (violin, art…). They chose a lot for me. So i haven’t been used to making a lot of my own decisions. I’ve always wanted to, but I wasn’t given much opportunity.
University is a very personal thing… I know I have to choose what I want to do. And yet, a part of me just wants to have another person make the decision for me. Say my parents. And upon hearing their suggestion, I was dissatisfied. “That’s not what I want to do for the rest of my life,” I thought.
So it’s up to me to choose. I’ve gave some suggestions to my parents too. “Mechanical engineering? Mechatronics engineering?” I asked.
This time, they were the ones to reject my answer. They aren’t really supportive of my choices.
So now I don’t know what to choose. I’m lost again. And time is running out.

Heh. And now my marks.
Remember how I said that I’d work harder in grades 11 and 12?
Turns out, I didn’t. What a surprise.
I told myself to. But I just can’t seem to push myself. For example, every time I tell myself to start that 4,000 word essay, I find myself on League of Legends, trying to become pro at Zed.
Damn that league.
It’s not to say that all my marks are shit.
I’ve done the impossible. I was getting a 70 in English. But my goal was an 80. So I worked really hard on it…
and I ended up with a 90. The day I saw my 90 I nearly cried.
Then I went to rub it in my English teacher’s face. Cuz he thought I’d get a 70 too.

But on the opposite end of the spectrum, I’m getting a 80 in math; Something I thought would never be possible.
Every math course in high school so far, I’ve gotten at least a 90.
To make matters even worse, a person who ended up with a 40% last year in math, is getting higher than I am.

How.
The.
Hell
…?

I haven’t even gotten to the worst yet. My lowest mark is a 69 in physics.
Engineering requires a minimum 70.
Shit.
Sometimes, I really want to repeatedly punch that guy in the face. My physics teacher, I mean.
And by sometimes, I mean every single day.

I definitely want to get higher grades. I really do. But something’s holding me back. And I think that something, is me.
I know that I’m capable. Or at least I was. Maybe it’s too late now. I ran some calculations, and for certain subjects like math, it’s nearly impossible for me to get a 90. Unless I get 97% on the rest of my tests this semester and on the exam as well.
I used to be capable. And now… to achieve that, I might have to cheat.
I’m not proud of it, but if I could, I would. Unfortunately, cheating in math… is difficult. I can easily get away with it… but at most, all i can do is have all the formulas on my phone.
And that’s absolutely useless since I already get a formula sheet that has most formulas on it. I suppose I could cover the ones not on it. That wouldn’t help much though.
I really need to step it up… and honestly, I want to. But at this point… I don’t even know anymore.

And folks, that’s why I’m not ready for university. But with each passing day, I have less and less time…
just today I realized that it was December.
Almost Christmas. Almost New Years. Almost 2013. Almost graduation. Almost university.
Shit. Again.

Maybe I’ll think about it over Christmas break…
I realize that I officially joined this site exactly two years ago, this Christmas.
So I definitely need to write something here on Christmas day… I’ll force myself to. Even if it’s just, “Merry Christmas/ Happy Hanukkah/ Happy Holidays/ Whatever the hell you celebrate, you assholes.”
Maybe I’ll leave out the asshole part.

This is all assuming that the world doesn’t end on the 21st.
Assuming Jesus doesn’t do his second cumming, or a meteor doesn’t destroys Earth, or Aliens don’t invade, or a zombie virus doesn’t breaks out, or my asshole doesn’t sprout deadly contagious fungi that takes over a person’s body, or… whatever it is people are making up these days.

Oh and I broke my 1,000 word promise from the beginning. Turns out this blog is 1800 words. Damn. That’s a lot. That`s 1800 words I could have finished from my 4,000 word essay. Doesn’t matter. You didn’t read through it all.
Or at least I hope you didn’t. Cuz damn, what a waste of time. Remember, no refunds.

You know… sometimes I look at that 21/12/2012 thing and I think, “maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if the world were to go to hell…”
Fighting for survival and all that… seems pretty fun. It’s something that I haven’t thought or planned for.
But that’s okay. I’m flexible.
Cheers.

Edit: Okay so, it’s Christmas… yup, merry Christmas everyone. Even though not all of you guys may celebrate Christmas.
I said I’d make another blog… but now I’m too lazy. Besides, having 2 blogs together in a row, submitted side by side…
I found this site 2 years ago, from today. I still remember how I came across this place…
I googled, “MMOtales” only to learn that it had ceased to exist…
But this popped up instead. Even better than what I expected.

I can’t believe that it’s been 2 years… considering all that I haven’t managed to accomplish in that time frame…
I feel so much older now…

So I read your comments down below… all three of them. I didn’t feel like responding in the form of a comment, so I’ll say it here:
Thanks. They really helped; I seriously took them into consideration.
Ever since I posted this blog, I managed to apply for university… I’m still unsure if the path I’m aiming for is the right one… but it’s what I’ve decided on.
Course, being accepted into what I want is a different story… half the courses I applied for is my choice. The other half was chosen from by dad. I can only hope that my half prevails… the engineering half.

And about LoL. Well… I can’t quite drop it yet- it’s Christmas break. But I truly plan on doing something about it once school starts again. Just as everyone has recommended, it’s high time I drop it. I’m not sure if I can do it all at once… but I’ll do it slowly if I have to. Sorta like drug addictions. Or so I heard.

Oh yea. The world didn’t end on the 21st. That’s some good news, I guess. On wards to 2013?
Alright guys. Merry Christmas, or whatever it is you guys celebrate. Hanuka? Kwanzaa?
And I probably won’t write another blog for a while- at least not in time for New Years. So, Happy New Years to you guys as well.
2013… no need to rush. Take your time… I can wait.
Cheers.