You want a rant?

No offense to Joaco, but it's time for a REAL rant. There's a reason I removed this blog from the front page right away. Lots of stong, NSFW language. Continue at your own risk.

Rules of the Road

Slower traffic keep right.

It's a universal law here in the US (and pretty much everywhere else that drives on the right side of the road). Slower traffic keeps right. However, it seems like NO ONE FUCKING KNOWS WHAT THIS MEANS. I'm making at least one three hour trip (six hours both ways) a month, and I frequently will go to other places that are one to two hours to visit friends, do stuff, etc. I'm on the highway A TON at the moment.

This rant is not about the fuckers who do 10 under the speed limit in the far left lane. Everyone hates them. They're a small minority, and there's nothing that can be done.

This rant is about the people who aren't that bad, but are seemingly incapable of comprehending a basic sentence like slower traffic keeps right. Let's look at a little scenario here. You're coming up on a car that is slower than you. You're both in the right lane on a four lane highway. You look to your left to make a pass, and you see a car coming in the fast lane at a rate faster than both of you. Now, you can get over without cutting him off, but you can't pass the other car before he reaches you. So what do you do? Fuck him, you pull out anyways.

RULES, people. SLOWER TRAFFIC keeps right. That means, if you're slower than the person behind you, you have two options: 1) Speed the fuck up or 2) Move the fuck over.

"But the person in front of me is going slower than me so I want to pass him!"

Tough shit. He's following the rules of the road and keeping right. If you pull out in front of me to pass him and force me to slow down, YOU ARE SLOWER THAN ME AND YOU ARE FAILING TO KEEP RIGHT. Get the fuck out of my lane. There is no footnote in the law saying you can slow people down to pass people slower than you. In the right lane, YOU YIELD TO THE FASTER GUY. That means, as I mentioned earlier, speeding the fuck up or moving the fuck over. In the left lane, you yield to people SLOWER than you. That means patiently waiting your turn to pass him when you can do so without slowing someone else down and breaking the law.

Scott, you're just being an ass. Slowing down for 10 second while that guy passes isn't going to kill you.

Oh, you're damn clever, imaginary person playing devil's advocate. Guess what? Waiting 2 seconds for me to pass you so you can pass without slowing everyone else down isn't going to kill you, and it will also be legal. The constant slowing down and speeding up kills my gas mileage, especially on a highway where the speed limit is 70, I'm doing 80, there's old grandma's doing 55, and you're cruising along at 70.

But, really, it's not these situations that piss me off (although after a few hours of it I'm ready to flip you the bird). It's the situations where you come up on someone doing 68 while you're doing 70, and instead of letting me pass, you take half an hour to pass the guy and create a half mile line behind you. When you decide to pass a semi like that, I'm damn near ready to kill you. For the last motherfucking time, I, going faster than you in the fast lane (imagine that), have the right of way. You can not legally slow me down in order to pass. Continue to do this and one day I will snap and the unfortunate bastard among you who happens to be around me at the time will be rammed into a concrete barrier or 1000 year old oak tree sitting by the highway.

Deep Stuff and Stupid People

I don't know what it is, but everyone thinks they're some critical genius. They think they're just as qualified to judge a sophisticated piece of literature, cinema, whatever as the dude who's spent years studying it. Granted, I am not an English or Film major. However, I have spent FAR more time studying great pieces of literature and cinema than 95% of the population and feel that I have been adequately equipped by people who've made it their profession (and have been recognized as being very good at it) to approach a "deep" piece of art and have a valid say in its evaluation.

You, Mr. I hated English class and think Naruto is the greatest love story of all time, are probably very poorly equipped for such a task. Your trashing of a quality piece of art is just offensive. It's one thing to present facts and evidence and argue against something. However, that's not you. You just plain don't get it and, frankly, you're making a fool of yourself. No, believe it or not, Pan's Labyrinth is not just some girl hallucinating in the aftermath of the Spanish Civil War. No, Five Centimeters Per Second isn't some stupid love story that has a pointlessly depressing ending. No, Pride and Prejudice isn't just some stupid chick flick. These are all great pieces of film/literature, and your inability to comprehend them (whether it's because of your refusal to even attempt to evaluate it at anything beyond the shallowest of levels or because you are, in fact, a dumbfuck) does not make them bad. The former case mentioned in the parenthesis are really the ones that piss me off the most. Idiots are idiots and there's nothing we can do about them. They just can't keep themselves out of shit they really shouldn't be getting involved in.

The former, though, they're smart enough think through what's being said/shown, but they're either too lazy or they've already decided that it's going to suck beforehand. These people really piss me off. They know they're relatively intelligent, and they thus conclude that they have the right to butt into any discussion and give their completely useless opinion because they are experts and THE authority on everything that is good.

I think I speak for everyone who's actually capable of appreciating stuff beyond mindless action, tits, and gore (not that there's anything wrong with those things ;)) when I say, "FUCK OFF!"

Have a nice day, everyone.