Characters:
The protagonist must be a 12 – 16 year old girl. She MUST be poor. She lives in the city. Her mom has to be a starving artist/unemployed/employed in a really shitty low-paying job/mentally ill. Her dad has to be missing/a dickhole/dead. If he comes back at some point in the story, he has to either be a total fuckbag or be a totally awesome guy.
Plot:
Your protagonist starts out living a miserable-ass life in the city. Of course, her mother makes everything better. So does her generic friend which is usually either a loser girl/a male father figure much like the mother that makes up for the girl's lack of a father/some other kind of adult that is artistic and loving and also in a bad financial state. Then some bullshit happens and your character goes through a load of shit, and this is all very traumatizing. Your character will now either turn to her one friend for help or ditch all her friends over a small fight. They will never come back. After this, the protagonist will have a heartwarming family moment. They will then move down to the country and live a nice country life because that's soooooo much better than living in a place where people actually live.
Cover art:
The cover art must be of the protagonist's face at a 3/4 view. The character in the book is beautiful but everyone considers her to be ugly. Your model will probably be like 20. Make sure she has rosy cheeks. Also, she can't have any tits either. Your model will pose against a drab background of either plants or buildings. Your title has to be scrawled across the top in a cheap-ass font. Must look like it could be done in 5 minutes in MS Paint.
CONGRATULATIONS!
If you follow all of these steps, you will have your very own best-selling tween girls' novel!
17 Comments
At first I like like, “oh god, another all caps spam blog to waste space in the database”. But then I find it’s actually a quality blog.
A part of this sounds like ‘The Glass Castle’. 😐
I’m not gonna lie, but I didn’t smile.
I’m not gonna lie, but I went O_o when I read your comment.
Ehh..it is true.
teehee
It also sounds like pretty much every novel I’ve read from my class bookshelf.
I could edit this to be a piece of shit capsy thing if you want.
Double post fail
Got anything for the male/male teenager protagonist?
Two words.
Fake vampire.
Another two words, angst-driven scene kid.
Oh wait that was three, BUT I DON’T CARE COS IM ANGSTY AND ALL SO EVERYTHING HATES ME AND I HATE THEM.
Make sure the guy is like that, preferably Caucasian and wears spectacles so he looks ‘average’.
You sir just won 1,000 internets.
-thiswasneverhere-
I’m not gonna lie, but I went O_o when I read your comment.
y?
rololololol. i knew there was something good abiout u =O
it’s true!!
I would read this book, pretend to look down on it but secretly enjoy <3