HELLO, MY NAME IS LULZMAYAKII AND I'M A FUCKING IDIOT

I hate myself sometimes.

I trust people who are completely untrustworthy with EVERYTHING. I've got a friend who's pretty two-faced. On one hand, she's very nice, funny, and charismatic, but the problem is, she's also very gossipy. Of course, I'm guilty of talking shit about people to her too, but that's just because she's easy to vent to. But I always have some feeling she likes to manipulate my gullibility (lol big word but I couldn't think of another word for that that's shorter fffffuuuu) for shits and giggles, ya know?

Like, she likes to tell me that x was talking shit about me, so I confront x and x says he didn't do it, and I don't believe them and I act out, but you know what? After that I think, what if x was telling the truth?

Even though I KNOW this girl is probably talking shit about me behind my back, for some reason I still trust her with everything. She's the only person other than my dad who's heard me sing (Something I make a big deal about. I'm pretty secretive about my singing voice, I'm always afraid people won't like it.), I tell her secrets about me sometimes, and afterwards I think, "GOD DAMN. WHY DID I DO THAT?!" Because even though I honestly think she's a good friend, I know she's probably telling these to SOMEONE. If she spreads everyone else's secrets, why would she keep mine safe?

I don't know guys. What should I do? I don't want to make her mad at me because even if she is a huge gossip, she's still my friend.

Oh yeah, and if you want to see a drawing of mine, go to mayakii's deviantart page. (I've got an old fanfic on there I wrote when i was 10 years old. I was a bad writer back then, don't read it.) Just look at it, no critique please, I know it sucks.

…gah, I need to stop QQing about my life on the internet.