Confession

Hi everyone!
It’s been two years since I’ve posted anything and I was trying to find an old bookmark and stumbled across this instead. I’m not a very superstitious person but when I clicked the link and came across so many new blogs (albeit being just over one month old) I took it as a sign to confess.

I use my real name everywhere now but back when we were all on mmotales, I chose to call myself Annikabelle.

I still remember how I came up with it. Like everything, it started with Maplestory. I was playing on my first ever character called Bellosome (or something like that, I really liked that pokemon) when I met a girl with the ign annikaleong. I really, really liked her name, so I stole it used it as inspiration to create my new character Annikabelle after I realised clerics weren’t really meant to have like 50 STR. That is how it came to be! Later on I was actually accused by that same character for stealing her name but I will deny that until my dying day.

I was actually really young when I started posting on MMOT. My first blog was a little one-liner with a screenshot of my character on an Ellinian-Orbis boat ride. The sad confession is that I was only about 10 or 11, but I lied a lot about my age. Possibly to protect myself from child predators, probably to just be cool and fit in with all these older kids who were over 13 and legally allowed to play MS. I met a lot of really nice people on MMOT, like Pirkid, SilverFX and many others whose names I can’t remember because I am 19 now and my memory is starting to fail me :’)

My posts on MMOTales began to taper off when I moved to the UK when I was 11 and eventually I stopped playing GMS and EMS altogether, but I was still pretty shaken when MMOTales was shut down. One day it was there, one day it wasn’t and that was the end of a really long and formative chapter of my life. I didn’t even get to save all of my blogs and I had so many. I weep when I think about the loss of SilverFX’s ‘Aurora’s Redemption’ stories and Indescane’s bandit-sin stories, I should have printed them out and gotten them binded T____T;; Also Wolf(random numbers) insanely long stories! Please someone tell me there’s a pdf floating around of these!

MMOT was the one thing I stuck to, longer than piano lessons and tennis and maplestory itself. I didn’t actually keep in contact with my MMOTales friends because after I grew up a little bit more, I felt really really bad about deceiving people about my age. I think I am an honest person now and I’m not ashamed to use my real name everywhere, probably as a reaction to my old catfishing days (I love that show <3)

I don’t really have very much else to say, except for sorry for lying about my age and hello to my old friends **all the hearts emojis**

moving on

Looking back at my old blogs here, I think my life now is quite a bit different from how I envisioned it to be.

I’m 19 now, I did well for my A-Levels but didn’t secure an offer for Medicine. I worked in a pharmacy for 11 months and applied for Pharmacy on the last day of university applications. I secured 4 offers at very good schools and I just started at University College of London. I’m actually glad that I didn’t reapply for medicine, though that was my dream for a very long time. I really hated when customers at the pharmacy showed me their toenail fungus and I was much happier when they asked me for recommendations for a persistent tickly cough. I’ll come out after four years with a Masters and a secure profession and I will have to look at much less toenail fungus than if i was a doctor. Definitely a win

Somewhere along the way (january 18th) a random boy attached himself to me in the same way a male angler fish melts into a female.

He does Pharmacy in another London uni , but we all know that UCL pharmacists are the super pharmacists We met outside the train station in the small town we lived in and it’s been almost 9 months now 🙂 <3 <3 <3 **mushy romance sounds**

Obligatory uni post

I moved into halls exactly 3 weeks ago and tomorrow, I’m going to sign up for the flat swap list. Technically I live in a massive student house that was once a hospital, in clusters of flats. Mine has 8 people, 5 of them are socially awkward, 2 of them were having sex and 1 of them is me To be honest I could bitch about them forever and the way they find my rice cooker (1truluv___< According to the BNF (pharmacy bible) I am the exact height and weight of a 12 year old child! I am actually really proud of this and have told everyone. (jk i want boobs T___T;~)

Happily though I have made lots of friends in my course and I hobo squat at their accommodations. Also I like pharmacy, so much so that I am typing a blog instead of typing my lecture notes. Honestly though we are legal drug dealers and if anyone quizzes me on drugs I’m going to flash them a cheesy grin and thumbs up and say ‘trust me, I’m a pharmacist’ 😀

Like every typical fresher I’ve joined way too many societies. Muay thai, cheerleading, parkour, jiu jitsu and i went on an anime society teashop crawl today. I have an obsession and it needs to stop. My need to be a real-life ninja is strong though <3

bonsoir mes amis

I also do a french evening language course which is two hours every week. My first lesson was on Thursday from 7-9pm and I came back and cried to my flatmate about how much I sucked at french and how literally every other student in my class was a really clever post-graduate student and 25 and I was 19 and hadn’t done french for 3 years. (DAVID I REMEMBER YOU SPOKE FRENCH HELP ME) The entire lesson was in french. We must have spoken about 6 english words during the whole time. What the hell is a conditional tense and why???? My mother made me sign up so we can go to Paris and have baguettes while speaking fluent french. Everyone knows Parisiennes speak English to foreigners though >o<;

being an extreme crybaby

I have been crying a lot this year. I remember really clearly back in April or May, I was sitting on the floor and staring at my bedroom wall and I just started crying. I couldn’t stop until three hours later and I still don’t know why. It started happening more and more and it stopped for a while, but this week it’s been particularly bad. Yesterday my boyfriend came over and taught me how to cook pasta for dinner because I hadn’t eaten in like two days. I randomly woke up with conjunctivitis yesterday after the intense crying session on Thursday so I was upset, blind and in pain through two hours of lectures and a two hour workshop. Later on at night we had post-pasta cuddling and I started crying. I was never able to articulate what I felt when I was crying but yesterday I said it was like someone was squeezing my throat and my brain very hard. Then like always, I stopped and felt absolutely fine. I don’t feel emotionally exhausted or anything, it was literally like the crying never happened and my emotions are stable. It’s actually so puzzling to me, because I don’t really have any real reason to be so sad. I have friends, I keep on top of my classwork, I really love my parents and my boyfriend and I have an amazing relationship (<3 <3 <3 **more mushy romantic sounds**).

My doctor recommended me for cognitive behavioral therapy because she thinks I have some hidden trauma but I don’t know how it would help and there’s a 3 month waiting list. My uni offers CBT freely but if I genuinely have a mental health problem it would affect my fitness to practice (FTP is a weird thing for healthcare professionals which assesses your competence and whether you would be a danger to society). I don’t really know what to do and it isn’t fair to my boyfriend to have to suffer through it with me- he has his own significant problems and I don’t want to burden him.

**chinese old man sigh**

Normally when I’m not a crying mess I am a tiny chinese girl who likes cute things and pink. I like learning about drugs and I have a selfie stick. Also I have pink-eye. Hmu **peace sign emoji** let’s exchange instagrams and hamster butt pictures! <3 <3 <3 (also I feel super bad about the whole lying about my age thing but I honestly had the best time when I was annikabelle 🙁 Lying is really exhausting and I'm not a very good liar)

random goals I hope to achieve by my next blog post:
no longer have pink eye
stop crying a lot
be the greatest at french
not be shunned for being annikabelle T_T </3
learn how to make salmon teriyaki onigiri instead of buying them at the sake shop all the time

<3 bye bye