13lue Had Courage Too

THE STORY OF MY SUCCESS!

WARNING!! THIS BLOG IS VERY LONG! DON'T READ IF YOU'LL SPLODE, KAY?

Since Nass and spygirl posted their crush blogs, I'll do the same! Except this has a little twist. I'll talk about the crush I had on my boyfriend and how we fell in love with each other. I hope this helps anyone who is struggling to get the attention of someone they like.
I'll talk about everything from the first day we met to the first couple of days of being with each other.

Over the years, I've found that just being yourself earns you a lot of admirers. Since I'm a gaming girl and a tomboy, that earns a lot of brownie points since I can share a lot of characteristics with a lot of guys. That quality allows guys to feel comfortable around me because I'm basically just one of the guys. I may not be the prettiest thing in the world and maybe my fashion sense is a bit unorthodox, but once someone gets into a deep conversation with me, they can't help but feel their heart pounding, yes? (LOL Conceited)

On To The Story~!

The Source Of My Insecurity

When I was younger, I lived in the shadow of my older brother (who in reality is my half brother but I like calling him my full blood brother). It always seemed like everyone chose my brother over me.
He could always go outside and play, but I was never allowed to, simply because I was female and we lived in a dangerous place. I envied him.
Eventually when I finally was allowed to go outside, no one even knew I existed since I was locked up at home all the time (and kinda still am lol).
So I wanted friends. But there were mostly boys who lived around me. And they all worshiped the ground my brother walked on. They were the kind of guys who would be like "If your brother was a chick I'd totally do him."

…which is creepy to say the least.
However, my brother wasn't too keen on me being around his male friends. I suppose he was afraid of them saying something sexual about his little sister which would both anger and creep him out. I don't blame him. It's… weird to have a friend who's like… totally doing your LITTLE sister, ya know?
It got to the point though where he forbid them and me from seeing each other. Thus I was robbed of my only chance at making friends.
My brother would berate me in front of his friends to deliberately make them think lowly of me. I guess they figured that if he didn't respect me, than they wouldn't either. So most of the time when they weren't around my brother, they always made fun of me. Calling me things like "ugly" and whatnot. They made me feel like trash. I sort of thank them from that. It's part of what made me who I am today. If I didn't get made fun of so much while growing up, I would have become a snooty bitch.
They'd also make bird calls at me on purpose just tease me. I hated when they called me "cutiepie".
I have anger issues. But I'm also a strong believer in pacifism. I would have turned around and decked them all. But back then I was less violent than I am now.
None of them ever called me by my name. I was so lovingly called "Tony's Sister" all the time.
It's upsetting to know that people would have such little respect for you as to not even bother to know your name or even call you by it. It makes you feel like an object and not a person. While being treated like that, my real self began building as so did my boundless supply of anger toward the world. Over time, the solitude allowed me to become my own person, unlike anything else. But I had an admiration of all things beautiful. Even though I was straight, I found myself admiring girls who were very beautiful who had kind hearts as well. I guess that's when I had my bi phase. LOL.
I gave up trying to make friends. I stopped going outside of my free will, only going if I was sent on a chore.
All through my school years, I had no friends. Until I reached High School. That's when my real life began.

I Was 15 Years Old

I JUST became a sophomore in high school.
I had made a good friend through many other wonderful people I met as a freshman.
One day he wanted me to meet his other friend. So he took me over to his house. We got there. We were greeted by a very tall boy, at least 6 feet tall with light skin and the most beautiful face I've ever seen. Instantly, I developed a school girl crush on him. I introduced myself and gave him "daps". (The ghetto way of doing a handshake). He smiled.

"How's it going? My name's Anthony. Nice to meet you, Jazmin."

FFFFFFFF HE'S SO POLITE!!
He was 16 when we first met.
I got in and I saw his computer with gaming controllers plugged in. I rushed over. He told me he had an emulator that could play old games.
For the rest of my time there, I spent it with him, playing video games.
Mostly Streets Of Rage 2.

He was very polite and nice to me, offering to get drinks for me and such.
I wasn't use to someone being so nice to me. It took a while to get used to.
I saw him for a few days. It was fun seeing him. I braved the winter cold to see him each time I could.
Eventually, he gave me a pet ferret that was named George. I carried him home while my other two friend helped me with the cage.
George is still alive today and he's much older. When I got him, he was just a baby.
Unfortunately, after that, we wouldn't see each other in almost a whopping 2 years.

Our Intertwined Destinies Brought Us Together Again

I had just become 18. I felt a renewed sense of self. I was getting older and I could feel myself maturing. I was also a bit taller too.

One late summer day, I was just hanging out with a group of my friends from school, including an old friend of mine who was now in college. (The old friend had a crush on me too, but I didn't know at the time)
One of them suggested we go to Anthony's house.
I agreed.
WHY THE HELL NOT?

By this time, I was currently with Tate who was a MapleStory animator who's a bit famous on youtube for his videos, GoldenTotProductions. (I wasn't exactly happy to be with him though) My feelings for Anthony that I had way back then have since diminished.

We got there. I was the last to step through the doorway. He saw me and paused for a while.

"…hey.. I know you…"
I smiled.
"Yup! It's me, Jazmin. Remember, we met 2 years ago?"
"Oh yeah!! Hey, what's up? It's been a while! Make yourself at home!"

He was 19 years old.

We played games all day. Mostly SSBB. I had so much fun, that I just had to come back.

Christmas Was Coming!

Yes, we continued to hang out all the way to winter. Already, my feelings that I had previously for him were starting to reemerge.
Before Christmas vacation, Tate dumped me. I cried for a while. But afterward, I got over it very quickly.
But a new fear washed over me. "What if I'm not good enough for him? What if I'm too ugly? What if I'm too boyish?"
I always wore baggy pants and hoodie sweaters. In particular, my favorite blue hoodie with a beautiful chinese dragon on it. (I love dragon designs)
It was Christmas Eve, we stayed up late and played more games because that was the life for us. We lived it and we were happy with it.
I saw Anthony, sitting down, he seemed aloof. Distant, like his mind were somewhere else. I took noticed and asked him if he were okay to which he said he was fine. But I knew it ran deeper than that. I gave him my phone number with a promise that I'd always be there if he needed a shoulder to cry on. I meant it sincerely. I would have done the same for anyone.
It was midnight. I went home.

Waking Up To Emptiness

I was depressed. I woke up late one day. My parents weren't home. They had left to a party together without telling me.
It was Christmas, my parents weren't home, we were too poor to have presents, and the boy I had a huge crush on probably thinks nothing like that of me.
I was horribly lonely. So I found Anthony's phone number and called him just to chat since I was bored and lonely.
Ironically, I gave him my number if he ever needed my help, but I was the one who needed it instead.

"…hello? Anthony?"
"Hey, what's up?"
"Oh… I just called so we can talk."
"Oh? So what is it that you want to talk about?"
"Nothing.. just small talk. There's no one here and.."
"What? There's no one over there? You're spending Christmas alone?"
"Well yeah.. but.."
"I'm coming over."
"What!? You don't have to!"

But it was too late, he hung up before I got the chance to tell him that.
About a half an hour later, he comes, just as he said he would.
He sat down on my bed and I sat next to him. There was a long silence.
Eventually I summed up the courage to start a conversation.

The Best Conversation I ever Had

We talked about all sorts of things. From games to our daily lives. Everything.
We found we had a lot more in common than we thought.
We like may of the same things and feel the same way about most things.
Then our conversation turned to the true meaning of love.
He said he knew nothing about it. That he was with other girls but he felt nothing from them. That they were all the same lame brained idiots who wanted nothing else but to get into his pants. His faith in love was shattered. He didn't trust girls anymore.
I made it a goal of mine to make him believe again. I told him everything I knew about love. How wonderful and amazing it is. How great you feel when you hold the person you love close. How your blood rushes and your heart pounds whenever they are close. The difference between sex and making love. The good kind of feelings that you can't get anywhere else, the kind that only love can produce.
I went into a huge rant since I got into it. I was passionate and spoke from the heart. He lay there on my bed for a while, thinking. I must have gotten through to him.
We talked for a total of 3 hours. It was 9PM when he left.
After he left I was happy that I got to spend time with him, but I was still depressed from my own inner problems. I felt like.. I was no match for the other girls out there. I resorted to trying to forget him. I wanted him to be happy and I didn't want to plague myself with his image forever.

December 27, 2008

Everyone agreed to go to the movies. However everyone bailed out at the last minute, leaving only me and Anthony on an accidental date.
We went to go see "Yes Man"
I was a great movie. I liked it, but I blushed at a lot of the parts because we could relate to them. Like when that guy splits with his wife reminded me of how Anthony split with his long term girlfriend and how he met me out of the blue, just like the guy from Yes Man met the girl he ended up falling for later.
Another thing was that the girl was unpredictable and she was way different from any woman the guy was with, which reminded me of he fact that Anthony told me that all the girls he dated were disgustingly the same. (Lol rant)
ANYWAY…

After the movie, we walked around a nice park that was beautifully lit with Christmas lights. It was cold, so he put his arm around me to keep me a little warm. We strolled up to this huge statue in the park that was up this hill. It was a popular tourist place since I always saw people from around the world come there to take pictures.
Just as we had reached the peak and I started admiring the statue, he gently took my hands in his and he shyly asked me to be his girlfriend.
I was shocked.
He's asking me?
He's asking me?
HE'S ASKING MEEEEEE?

I was so overjoyed that I couldn't even say yes properly. It ended up coming out as a "sure". Upon hearing this, he smiled, brushed away the stray hair in my face, and gave me a gentle kiss.

The Reason Why He Asked Me

I was curious and I asked him why he wanted to be with me. He said that the talk we had was amazing and that he learned I wasn't any ordinary person. He said I taught him important values as well and proving to him that not all girls were the same. He said I was the person he always wanted to be with and that he had mixed feelings for me, but after having the talk, he was certain that I was "the one" he's been waiting for.
I learned that he was very shy and he was thinking about a way where he would ask me out on a date. I suspected that everyone bailing at the last minute was planned, but he assured me that he didn't expect this to happen either. Our friends must have noticed how we felt and set this up for us. I was touched.

We held hands the whole way home.
I still have the train ticket he got for me that day so that we could go downtown.

THE END!

FINALLY, I SPENT A WHOLE FRIGGIN COUPLE HOURS WRITING TYPING THIS!
Me and Anthony have been going strong for 8 months since that day and while we have our shaking moments, we always comes back strong and he always has a wonderful knack for redeeming himself when he knows he acts like a baffoon. We both believe that love is the strongest force in the world. If we could survive through the worst, then we were meant to be together. We've been through thick and thin and we know each other inside and out now.
Me an Anthony are going to go see Final Destination 3 (Is that it?) on Saturday.
I can't wait to see him again.

Here's a picture of Anthony.
(He's the taller one xD)

Whoops, wrong picture. It's this one!

I hope this inspired anyone having love/crush troubles. Don't lose hope! If you wish hard enough, it might actually come true. ;DD
'Till next time!

~Jaz