Luna

The monsters in Witch's Woods didn't scare me. But something else sure did.

I found it odd how the next day after dumping me, he managed to patch things up and ask me out on a date. I could have easily gotten mad and yelled and screamed at him. After all, he had gotten mad at me for doing things that he has done as well and had soundly proclaimed that he was the victim and that I was disrespecting him after all he's put me through. I admit that I'm no sunshine and rainbows person, but every time he's managed to smash my feelings, I've never screamed in his face about it. Some of it was my fault. He had told me that he didn't want to talk until tomorrow. But can you blame me for being worried? I thought something had happened to his family. I called again, only to hear my raging lover's angry voice again. I never wanted to hear that voice again. It was like a repeat of what happened in 6 Flags. I broke down when I heard him yell again. Somehow, I managed to fuck up again. I thought there was something wrong with me. There has to be. Since every single relationship I've ever been in has ended the same exact way. Everything was my fault. I was the one who ruined everything. Therefore, I had no right to cry. But alas, I did anyway, like a fool.
I've never hated myself like this. It's shattered beyond repair I think. I have no confidence in myself. Among the endless suffering and tears, all I could manage to say was that I despised myself beyond reason and that death was a punishment that was too good for me.
After I calmed down, I pleaded with my parents that Anthony was still a good person. They listened and my fathers face contorted into twisted rage. Thank God, Anthony wasn't there, or my father would have surely killed him. I manged to convince my parents that the reason all this happened was because of something that I did. My mother effectively turned her anger towards me. My father remained silent as if he wanted to put the image of his hurt and crying daughter light years behind him and I remained as an empty shell, I heard nothing but the hellish laughter of some kind of entity. Taunting me as it always has, ever since I was 8.
My father came a little later.

"Papa, why are you here? Go away, please."

"I came because I know my daughter can't sleep."

"…."

"You think you are suffering? Imagine him. He may be at the movies with his brothers. But I can assure you, that he cares nothing about the movie and that he's only thinking about you and about what he said, and he's probably kicking himself in the ass because he wish he didn't say those things to you."

We said nothing else. He only left and it was from those words that I was able to close my eyes and sleep if just for a little while. It rained hard that night. It always rains when something bad happens between us. That night was no exception.

The next day after that…

Anthony had called me a little after 12 PM. He asked to speak to my mother first. I headed back to my room. A few minutes later my mother hands me the phone. Anthony apologizes to me for overreacting and that he wanted to make it work. That he was mad and said things without thinking. He asked for another chance.

After all was said and done, the damage was done. For that time, he didn't see me, his current lover, he saw his ex-girlfriend, Luna. I didn't know if he yelled at me or Luna. I didn't know if all that rage and all the love that he gave me was really for me and not for her. I had that talk with him on Christmas to help him get rid of those fearful feelings. I wanted him to move on. But he proved to me that he might not have done that and it raised the question: did he really let it go? Is she still in his mind? Does he still think about her?
It turns my stomach and I want to get to the bottom of this.

I hate her.

I hate Luna for so many reasons. For scaring him like this. For hurting his feelings.
I hate the fact that I'll forever have to endure seeing her posed together with Anthony in their prom picture in the nice frame in his living room. I hate that sometimes when he looks at me, he only sees her.
I really want to help him. But sometime he doesn't want to tell me all of his feelings.

What do you guys think I should do?

The most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

'Till next time.

~Jaz