[QoTW35] Bathroom Nightmare

Okay, so I’m getting tired of writing depressing things. Now I’m gonna try to do something funny.
I’d better hear you motherfuckers go: “TROLOLOLOLOL!!” by the end of this shit or some heads are gonna roll.

All right so…desperate times? I’ll tell you a little story…

I went to my boyfriend’s house to hang out. It was on a friday and I just wanted to chill you know? Hang out with some friends. My boyfriend’s family hand gone out to do something, I don’t remember. But I was there and I had to use the bathroom so fucking bad, people. It felt like a nuclear warhead was about to shoot out of my ass.

Anyway, my boyfriend said he was gonna go to the store and to watch the place while he was gone. Cool. No problem with that. I was just gonna have sex withabuse the hell out of his PS3. But I was gonna like…take a major shit before I did that so I ran into the bathroom to, what else, drop a duece (btw, that means take a shit if you guys didn’t know).

WELL you see….my boyfriend’s family is very lazy. No one ever cleans up, or picks up after themselves because they are too lazy or assume that someone else will take care of it for them. In this case, I royally fucked myself over by not checking something before I went into the bathroom to take care of business.

So I’m sitting there, pants down and all, feeling 100 pounds lighter and I reach over for some toilet paper.
…
But I feel none. I look to see there was no toilet paper. Just that weird plastic thingie that holds the paper in place. I look around in a panic. I open the drawers under the sink, nothing. I open the shower curtains. Nothing.
I’m doing all this while sitting, mind you…

Just then the phone decides to ring. And I’m like: “Holy cock-n-balls. I can’t moooove!” and the phone just keeps ringing over and over. Then the doorbell rings because my boyfriend had come back from the store.
Can you picture that, kiddies? Me, sitting there after shitting, no toilet paper, with the phone AND doorbell ringing.
It wasn’t good.
*Despair*

I sat there…for a total of 2 hours before my boyfriend broke in through the window and found me in the bathroom, sitting there like a moron. He was totally pissed because I worried him and all I could say was: “My ass is full of shit, no one replaced the toilet paper. Couldn’t move and someone called.”

He got me some toilet paper, I wiped my ass, and then it was all good.
It was still pretty fucking embarassing though. Holy Jesus juice. So embarassing.
But I learned my lesson. Before using the bathroom…ALWAYS check to see if they have toilet paper. Or at least a fucking towel where I can dry my hands after washing them since they don’t even replace that either.
*Sigh…*

So that’s the story of my horrible bathroom experience at a place that wasn’t even my home. I cried a little while I was in there. Bah, at least I wasn’t stuck in there for like 5 hours instead. Sweet baby Jesus in a sunday hat, I would have killed myself.

That concludes my second ever QoTW. I better win this, Vusys! I worked really hard on this…if not then YOU BETTER HIDE YO KIDS, HIDE YO WIFE, ‘CUZ I’MA BE CLIMBING THROUGH ERRBODY’S WINDOW AT NIGHT UNTIL I FIND OUT WHERE YOU LIVE AND EAT YO CHILDREN AND WIFE.
*Shakes fist at in a threatening manner*

‘Till next time!

~ Jaz