Today is the day!

Wondering what I’m taking about? Well, I’m finally gonna tell my mother I’m moving out. Because I’ve had it with her bullshit. She always said if I had such a huge problem to just leave and get my own place, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. My mom thinks I’m an ungrateful child, but I’m not. I thank her for everything. I tell her that I love her, even if it happens to be a lie but she still always manages to find something bad to say about me. I still supported her through her social security hearings and I was always there to listening to her constantly talk shit about all her dumb problems that she’d never had if she weren’t so irresponsible.

I would never had a problem with helping her pay bills. But I know what’s really happening behind the scenes. I’m not an idiot and I’m not going to live there forever, taking care of HER stupid debts. I’m not gonna come home everyday only to have her tell me another excuse why I should hand nearly all the money I work hard for to her when I know she doesn’t use it for what it’s SUPPOSED to be used for. I’m not gonna come home and have her shove bills in my face and expect me to pay them all off when I barely use anything and I’m not gonna come home to hear her bitch and whine about everything in her life like a sad miserable little old lady every fucking day.

I came home the other day and she gives me a bill that says she’s owes over a thousand for the gas and water bill. I’ll help her pay it since I use up a lot of water, but if she’s expecting me to spend the rest to pay all the other stuff, than she can kiss my ass. I don’t watch TV, everything in my room stays unplugged. All I do is sit in my mother room with the laptop on. And it’s not even all day. She says she didn’t pay the bill because she was too busy spending it on food and a bunch of other crap for the house but she doesn’t need to. My brother has money, he can feed himself. That’s why she has food stamps. So she doesn’t have to waste bill money on other things. The worst part is that she always uses the: “I took care of your ass for 20 years so give me all your money for the rest of your life because you owe me that much” excuse.

I’m going to tell her today that I’m moving in with my boyfriend into his brother’s apartment. They have an extra room there and all they ask for is 200 a month which isn’t hard because I can give 100 and my boyfriend can give 100, without having to pay any utilities. In the mean time, we’re going to be getting help to look for apartments and sign up for rental assistance. I’m going to tell her to take my name off the lease and to be asked to move into a 1 bedroom apartment for her medical transfer. She’ll be mad at me. She’ll curse me to death and disown me for years to come. She tell all her friends about how I’m the worst daughter in the world and make me seem like I’m the bad guy. But I don’t care. I’m leaving whether she supports me on this or not. There’s nothing she can do about it. I’m 20, a grown adult. She can’t call the cops on me because I can go wherever the hell I damn please. The most she can do is get mad and throw a tantrum like a little fucking kid, like she always does. Maybe this will teach her a lesson to not shirk the responsiblities of paying a bill on time. Without me there, maybe she’ll be set straight and if not, she’ll be my brother’s problem now.

Part of raising children and teaching them everything is so that you can watch them get older and leave you to become adults themselves. Not to keep them chained there forever, expecting them to take care of all your problems. It’s time I spread my wings and fly away now. I’m not gonna be one of those losers who are like 25 and still living with their parents. No fucking way. I have a plan. A big plan. It’ll take a while for things to come full circle, but no one said life was easy. I really don’t want to leave on bad terms with my mother, but if there’s no other way…than I’ll just have to deal.

I really hope when you guys decide to finally leave and be on your own, that your own mothers will be loving and supportive of you instead of always throwing everything in your face and constantly trying to put you down and make you feel bad.

I’ll be taking a break from blogs since I’ll busy with all this stuff. So, I’m not sure if you guys really even enjoy the blogs I write, but I just thought I’d let you guys know.

I’ll also leave you guys with a question: What would you do and how would you feel if you were in my position?

Wish me luck…

‘Till next time.

~ Jaz