YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

Alright. It seems that while I was busy these last few years with college and the internets, several bits of anime-related news skipped under my radar. I've only become aware of how many live-action anime/manga adaptions that Hollywood has set for pre-production since a few months ago, when I first found out about the unfortunate raping of the Avatar: The Last Airbender adaption. That was what prompted me to do a quick search for other movies that are in danger of said rape.

Dragon Ball. Ghost in the Shell. Akira. Cowboy Bebop. Battle Angel Alita. And now, Full Metal Panic.

Aparently Leonardo DeCaprio is cast as angsty Kaneda in Akira. GAG. Isn't he like, an old fart already? What's with the age gap here? Kaneda isn't that old.

And second of all, now I can finally, finally say it and be completely right: THERE IS NO NEED FOR WHITE ACTORS IN AKIRA. NO. NEED. It is clear as crystal, glass, whatever, that all of the characters ARE ASIAN. The setting is POST-APOCALYPTIC TOKYO for christ sake! TOKYO! Do I need to say it again? TOKYO! TOKYO! TOKYO! GET SOME FUCKING ASIAN ACTORS IN THIS MOVIE! There are some damn good Asian actors out there who can't get cast in movies like these because they are too busy being cast as the stereotypical Asian nerd!

And if they change the location to post-apocalyptic New York, I'm going to shit SO MANY bricks. SO MANY.

And Keanu Reeves is set to play Spike in Cowboy Bebop. This, I will admit, has the potential to be pulled off. It will all depend on the screen writers (read: sick fucks who are the real culprits in the death of film-making as we know it), and the director. Keanu is a great actor, and he can pull of Spike if it is done right. Chance of this happening? Maybe .05%

Well…I've read enough reviews of the live action Dragon Ball movie tonight to know that it failed horribly. Not that anyone wasn't expecting anything less. I mean, pfft, Justin Chatwin? The only thing I was excited for after the release of this movie was that maybe That Guy With The Glasses would do a review of it. Because that would just make my day. But he didn't. So my day was not made. I did, however, find the best fucking video ever in the process:

My thoughts are shared with this one dude:

"Now I know a lot of people may read this and say “but it’s only one movie dude, if it sucks they will just disappear and you will never see another again.” Yet I have seen enough movies in my life to know how this works. You make one, and it rakes in just enough money to line their pockets so suddenly every jackass wants to make a live action Anime movie. Comic book movies and video game movies are all living proof that trends get set even after failure. I guess my final thoughts are this: Dragonball is a terrible idea, as is making Avatar: the Last Air Bender (looking at you M. Night.), and Naruto. So please Hollywood, when Dragonball fails, as you know it will don’t make another one."

Yea, I think he kind of nailed it.

I think, out of all the 2,354,490 live-action movies being made in the next few years, the only one I have any shred of hope for is Battle Angel Alita. Because the director, James Cameron, is actually a fan of the manga ( he even wears the T-shits to prove it, bless his soul) and has hired the creator of the story for reference.

He. Hired. The. Creator. For. Reference. Sounds like a fuckin' path to success to me. How can you go wrong with that?

It's kind of funny, though. When the movie Underworld came out in 2003 and I saw the promotion poster, I was like "OMG BATTLE ANGEL?" because Kate Beckinsdale looks SO MUCH like BA's main character Alita that it's just what I immediately thought of xD…

See the comparison:

Not to mention, it should be hella easy to pull off Battle Angel. I will go so far as to say this: there is no possible way that they can fuck up the action sequences in this movie. The fights that took place in the Manga pretty much scream "LIVE-ACTION ME!".

(Just a warning if you watch it, there is lots of animated gore. Oh, and a dog gets sliced to ribbons. I actually cried the first time I saw that scene).

Seriously, this is the violent material directors like Quentin Tarantino, Ruggero Deodato, and basically every splatter/gore fanatic drool over. You can't go wrong with the source material. And if James Cameron doesn't use it and abuse it, well, he's a moron.

End rant.