To Catch a Noobator! pt 2

K, i don;t know why the bolding isn't working like i want it to. some parts are not supposed to be bold, the other lines are supposed to be bold All I know is that it is pissing me off. The bold is meant to be Hicks Ganson narrating.

WARNING: may contain some graphic content

KLON Datelines: To Catch a Noobator! part 2

So far, our current sting operation here in Beautiful Bukit Hills has netted us 24 perverts, pedophiles, rapists, and all around losers who fail social-wise or at life in general. 10 of whom where owned at the sting house, and another 14 who got pwned by our expert decoys outside. The operation had worked in two ways: Decoys purposely lure predators to our sting house where I interview them and the police arrest them after. The other specially trained artists and decoys at Pandora's Justice are more tactical: They will monitor these choobs who are busy soliciting Permanoobs and the Permanoobs themselves. They spy, eavesdrop or slip in a camera or microphone or two, picking up Permanoobs' body language, voice, speech, postures, etc. How they work, I'll explain later in the show.

Right now, another guy has arrived at the stinghouse. 28 year old Lemmy Bute, Maple ID LemonPencils151. is about to walk into our trap. Lemmy works as a mechanic at an auto repair ship over in Woods Bay. Through recorded phone conversations with his supposed Permanoob interest, we have learned a great deal about him. Lemmy was recently dumped by his longtime girlfriend who then tried to have him booked for cexual assault, rape, and harassment. There was a court hearing, Lemmy denied all allegations, and the judge let him off. However, he lost all his friends after the breakup, and everybody hates his guts except for the schizoid owner of the car repair shop he works at. Lemmy's been chatting on the phone with who he thinks is Starla Jem, 34 year old dancer from Panquilia. He's really just been talking to a decoy at the Pandora's Justice headquarters down in Westborough. Here's a log of their chat when they met and talked at a StarSucks Coffee shop last week:

…
"Starla": Aww that's so mean that she did that to you. I hate when people break up and then try to hurt their ex-partners.
Lemmy: Yeah, really, eh? ####ing b### said she wanted me thrown in jail and @$$raped by the inmates there.
"Starla" Poor baby. Well, you didn't do anything, right?
Lemmy: Hell no! I never did such mean things to her. I think she was upset because, you see, we dated for three years, but only recently I began to feel comfortable
having cex with her. I was so scared to do these…intimate activities with her. I grew up thinking that cex…was a crime if initiated by a guy, like even if I asked
if she wanted to go to the next level, I thought that was considered cexual harassment right there, like I was so afraid she would lash out and get me arrested.
"Starla":I see. Well I mean everyone has to be comfortable doing this sort of thing, right? Or else someone will always get hurt. Did they shun cex where you grew
up?
Lemmy: Well, my dad and mom always got mad at me and said it was only for having kids. When I was in high school, there was this angry womens' group that always showed up and did presentations where they bashed guys and made us out to be criminals. This sort of talk even came up in Family Studies class. They were always showing documentaries and videos of girls bing beat up by their boyfriends and crap. One kid asked what the deal was of a guy being attacked by his gf, and the activist woman told him to shut up and said that guy deserved to get beat or stabbed or whatever.
"Starla" Ouch. So you were just getting comfortable with her and suddenly she dumped you?
Lemmy: Yeah. The last time we were close, she wanted to do it, I was too afraid so I refused, I was more scared of us actually doing it and that hitting some nerve and causing some kind of cexual or emotional harm, you know the feeling of being violated? So I came home the next day and her brother and his buddies were there and they all jumped me, and well….they kicked my ass. She told me I deserved to be raped in jail and told everyone I raped her. and I didn't
"Starla": Ouch!
*hugs him*
"Starla": Don't worry. No one will do that to you. You look like you could use some healing. Would you like that?
Lemmy:…sure I'd appreciate that…but I don't wanna, you know.
"Starla": no, no, no, nothing will be rushed…

Prior to this chat, Lemmy and our Decoy had been spending time together for a while, under the careful watch of Pandora's Justice beatdown crew, and a bunch of cops. She had arranged to have him come to the sting house. You may think he wasn't a bad person, but he is just as bad as everyone else. Going to a PErmanoob for anything, even if they come to you is NOT cool. Lemmy should have taken it like a man and he didn't. Lemmy and our decoy had some further explicit chat, and he made no further advances through words or even signaling a desire to touch our decoy, infact, she had pull his sick disgusting intent out of him, as all decoys of Pandora's Justice are meant to do. We ask viewers NOT to take this man for a lonely guy who just had hard times. The immoral act of coming into contact with a Permanoob outbeats all causes and intents he might claim when he goes court.
Lemmy has just arrived; walking up from the bus stop. He doesn't have a car. He thinks this is "Starla's" rich friend's house.
*bell rings*
*Decoy rushes to the door and answers*
"Hi, Lemmy! How was the bus trip up here?"
"Hi. It took me about 2 hours. There was a bad traffic accident at Sindit Ave and Chief Bandit Way."
"Aww. This is my friend's house. I usually stay here, its much more peaceful here than back home, and a nice cozy place to spend some time together. Did you bring the groceries?"
"Yeah, I got all the veggies, and sauce right here."
*Lemmy wanted to make spagetti sauce for him and "Starla"*
"Sweet, man. Well, the pans are under there, feel free to get started. I just woke up, and am hungry. My friend forgot to get Moonkin O's, and the milk's gone bad.
"Sure np. Can I use the bathroom and wash my hands?"
"Yeah, go ahead! It's down the hall, third door on your left."
"Thanks!"

*Lemmy goes to the bathroom, decoy leaves the kitchen, Hicks Ganson comes out, with his stack of papers and stands by the counter. After a few mins, Lemmy comes back out. He comes around the corner and stops, surprised to see a man in a suit gazing at him, motioning for him to join him at the table/
"Hi, Lemmy, feeling much better? Go ahead, come take a seat, I'd like to talk to you."
"Okay….Are you Starla's friend?"
"You could say that. That's what I want to talk to you about."

"..Okay…um…uh, are you like her boyfriend or something? She never said anything about…I could just go if u want…"

"No, no, please, calm down, relax, nothing of the sort. I just have some questions for you…what's cooking?"
"..Just some ground beef. I was uhh gonna cook up some spagetti for us for lunch. I brought enough for some for you too…"
"Well, that's mighty thoughtful of you, but it didn't seem to be the only thoughtful thing you had in mind coming here. What was your plan with Miss Starla?"

*Lemmy sighs* "We were just going to chill. You know, watch a movie, talk, eat…"

"Well, Lemmy, from what I gather from these logs of your previous chats with this young girl, it seems you wanted to do more than 'just chill.' It says here that you would like to have "a close intimate relationship with a woman who is open minded, willling to lvoe and learn and be close with her in all aspects, and then it continues where you talk about having some kind of cexual relationship with her."
"Um…all relationships have cex in them sir, I..I-iI thought that it being mutual and consensual made it alright for both-"
"She told you she was a Permanoob! And you continued to see her, spend time with her, touch her, and then you came over here to an empty house where the possibility of doing cexual activities is likely.
"I just….I just wanted to cuddle-"
Come on, Lemmy, it does not make a difference, the fact that you didn't stop talking to this Perma-CHILD clearly indicates that you desired a relationship in which you would have an unfair advantage. Do you think that is okay? I mean seriously, Lemmy, regardless of what goes on in your brain, you, and anyone else can tell the difference between a Permanoob and a normal person. Have you even considered the reality that meeting a Permanoob, talking about your explicit problems with her, and then proceeding to get 'close' as you say is the same thing as pursuing a pervertedly advantageous relationship with someone who is mentally ill or handicapped? Disabled? OR a young child under the age of consent?"
*Mat sits in his chair looking dumbstruck by Ganson's moral lecture*
"…umm what's the age of consent?"
"Twenty. It was increased from 18 last year and applies to all municapalities in the KErning City area."
"Okay…I didn't know…"
It doesn't matter if you didn't know, Lemmy. You SHOULD know. And I've a few things to tell you as well. I'm Hicks Ganson. I work for KLON and we're doing a show called "To Catch a Noobator. That Permanoob you were hoping to hurt for your own gain was really one of our decoys working for the group Pandora's Justice; an organisation dedicated to preventing individuals like you from harming Permanoobs or anyone else. And you've been on camera since you came into the house."
A bunch of camera men come out from their hiding spots, and pointing their cameras at Hicks and Lemmy.
"Dude, I don't want to be on TV, you guys got this shit all wrong, yo."

"No one's forcing you to stay, Lemmy, you are free to go. We all hope that this experience will teach you a valuable lesson that you will not ever forget. See ya."

Lemmy walks outside, and there's a bunch of cops waiting for him. One of them has a bean bag gun and shoots-
BAM! Smokes Lemmy in the face. He goes down and is screaming in pain. The cops all run and jump on him, dogpile, and slam him back into the ground.
"Stay on the ground. KEEP YOUR F##ING ASS ON THE GROUND OR I'LL BREAK YOUR ARMS AND LEGS!"
The cops tie his hands and feet with zip ties and hoist him up and throw him into an unmarked car.
Aftet the police took Lemmy away, cops searched his bag and the groceries he said he bought. No tomato sauce was found but we found a jar full of 'bortion sauce! We were all shocked and horrfied by this. Lemmy is taken away in an unmarked car to a police station, where he is booked, and questioned by investigators.
"So, what brought you to Bukit Hills today? Huh? come up here to play out a little sick immoral fantasy of yours? Hoping to have cex with a Permanoob? Is that it?"
"Sir, I didn't-"
"STFU! You know how disgusting that is? Amd why the F### did you plan to use 'bortion sauce in your spagetti?!"
"Wait a minute, WHAT? Wtf? Dude! wtf are u talking about? I never got abortion sauce! I bought a big jar of tomato sauce-"
"Seargent, tazer him, this scumbag's pissing me off,"
*cops come up and tazer Lemmy.
After interrogation, Lemmy is taken to the jail, and he later appears in court to face the charges.

"LemonPencils151, you are charged with unlawful social transactions with a person of disadvantage, 1st degree; cexual harassment of a person of disadvantage, cexual solicitation of a person of disadvantage, and relocating to position to harm a person of disadvantage; and [osession of illegal contraband for purpose of cannibalistic consumption, contraband in question is a jar of 'bortion sauce. These are all class 2 felonies under the Salem-Westbrough City charter, and class Y felonies as covered under Kerning City regional law, and class B under federal law. Do you understand the charges?"

"Your honor, I didn't get that sauce-"

"I said, do you understand the charges? At this point of you say 'no,' I will assume you are not cooperating and will be charged with intrusion of law enforcement process. Do you understand, LemonPencils?"

*LemonPencils15 sighs. "omfg…yes, your honor."

The judge denies bail, and our guy is shipped back to jail. Recently, new legislation against sexual crimes now calls for the deportation of criminals to Antarctica, where they may be sentenced between 25 years and life. International agreements between MapleWorld, Roika, and Ivalice have called for this kind of punishment. Judges in the Kerning jurisdiction, which covers central west Victoria, are starting to allow prosecutors to send convicted cex and violent offenders to the deep frozen ass end of the planet.

After the charges were laid, I interviewed the decoy

"He seemed kinda nice, and friendly and he was hurt by the people in his life and he wasn out to rape me, but still, you know, anyone who is pathetic or low enough to resort to a permanoob for ANYTHING is a pure scumball, right? I hope all the ice and snow cools him off, haha! It's nice to know we got him. Pandora's Justice FTW!"

Our decoy made the date for him to come visit, then she showed the chat logs and wire tap skits for the phone chats and talked to the cops stationed at our sting house. Then the warrant for his arrest was issued.

Coming up next on TO CATCH A NOOBATOR: AN 18 year old kid talks to a 42 year old Permanoob woman, and you guessed it, he wants to have cex with her.
*shows cops slamming some kid up against a wall and kicking his ass* *shows cops talking to Permanoob woman*

And later: How Pandora's Justice members take out real crooks who are meeting with real Permanoobs. a tactical approach which could be more effective than the decoy lure and trap approach. And also, later in the series: What happens to permanoobs after they're switched out by the actors and decoys who have spied on them and learned to impersonate them!. You are watching K.L.O.N. Datelines: To Catch a Noobator!
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K, i don;t know why the bolding isn't working like i want it to. some parts are not supposed to be bold, the other lines are supposed to be bold All I know is that it is pissing me off. The bold is meant to be Hicks Ganson narrating.
GARRRRGH!!@#$#$@
JUST WHO THE FUCK PUTS A BACK SPACE BUTTON ON A MOUSE WHERE YOUR THUMB GOES TO MOVE IT?>?
This stuff got deleted like 4 times when I was trying to write this.

Seriously, WTF!

Happy Years End to all, and to all shut the hell up!

JK JK JK JK.
*head smashes onto keyboard~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~