"Merry Xmas to all and to all shut the hell up" – Peter Griffin

Gotta love christmas- the monopolized, commoditized commercialized holiday season that is now so full of bullshit there is an increasing number of people who worship Santa Claus and the All mighty Dollar… instead of that guy who's birthday is on the 25th of December.

So far, my room mate Ron is a fat douchebag piece of shit who drinks and sleeps and expects me to solve all his problems and cure his depression, well i say fuck him i hope he dies a horrible death…he snapped off the key in the lock of the door to the laundry room and i had a load in the dryer. Fat fucker. Fat 40 year old fucker.

He expects me to let him use my phone and i said no, so he;s like "Well fuck, then dont ask me for anything, blah blah," and i'm thinking "screw you"
Of course when he gets drunk he wants to talk- and talk and talk then get mad when i say something. why won't the landlords evict his fat douche bag ass???

In fact I'm sick of living with people. it feels like all my life im living on the back burner and just in the way of others, and it feels like that's going to be my life. Living with people and never having the privelige of my own place.

So I've been saving my money and o, shit, it;s Christmas…fffffFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
I went shopping and in 3 hours blew the $200 i had saved up. Then i had to spend more money to go from Vancoouver to Comox to see my brother and his wife and kids.

tense weekend with relatives

I met my brother (J) for the first time in my life in 2008, and that was a huge awkward moment. So this time, he picks me up at the ferry terminal in Nanaimo, and we're driving up from Nanaimo to Comox, a 90 minute ride. Police on Vancouver Island are so anal about enforcing the speed limit, it is awesome- drivers on Island Highway are actually OBEYING the speed limit… unlike Vancouver, were nobody gives a flying rat's ass that they're always going 10-30 km over the posted speed limits.
So on the way, i had no idea what to say to make a conversation, and he doesn't say much. Then his wife calls i think 2x to check on him as we were driving up there.

So we get to Comox, and I meet his wife (K) and kids. Now before I continue, I'd like to take the moment to say that they are good people, they're nice to me, and they are good parents dedicated to raising their 2 kids (R) and (O). R is 2 years old, and he has a lot of energy…but when he doesn't get what he wants right away, he goes into rage mode and cries and screams. I swear i thot my brother was about to snap on him. he was trying to get him to calm down without getting all angry like parents in the olden days used to. My other nephew O is 1 years old, half R's age. He's so cute and wanders around with this cute look of curiosity on his face. He also tends to do headstands lol.

So in Comox on a rainy weekend, there is nothing to do. I sat on the couch watching Treehouse TV and watching over my nephews. J comes back from 7Elevin in the morning with a coffee and gets grilled by K for buying a coffee. I was thinking…wtf, it's just a COFFEE!

I felt tense and awkward all weekend. I thought J and K were going to explode on each other, and I thought J was going to flip out on R with his constant screaming.
So I was trying to sleep on this inflatable mattress, and i so much as move a millimeter, the whole damn thing makes so much noise. I had to roll over to get comfortable, and I hear down the hall…

"WTF his he doing? Is he rolling around out there or what?!"
So I tried to remain still all night long then was like F*** it and got up and slept on the short couch, or tried to sleep on the couch.
So the last day, everyone woke up late and J was driving me back to Nanaimo to catch the 12:30 ferry. But by the time we got even close to Nanaimo the traffic got heavy and we hit EVERY SINGLE RED LIGHT…and missed the ferry. So we chilled at the mall, before going to the ferry. Then J's wife calls and gets mad at him for staying in Nanaimo and not just dropping me off and going back home already.

I don't know why but I felt so tense even just around my brother, all because I have no idea what to say, etc. Then when I was with my brother and his wife, I felt surreal tension in their house, and it felt like they were both about to blow up on each other. I was glad to see my bro and nephews, but as soon as I saw J drive away and walked into the ferry terminal building, I had a huge smile on my face, and I was like [b]"I'M FREE!"[b]
and I was superstoked just not feel their tension anymore. So i was actually able to sleep on the ferry and made it home.

And now I am at my mom's house, and just before I came here, we talked on the phone, and she said she was super stressed out and needed me not to irritate her by:
not Chilling in the 'rec' room and making a mess
Stay out of the house part of the day for the few days I am here.
Make sure my sister Ella doesnt strangle my cousin Sheena who is also living there…and tends to be real annoying to her.

But I already screwed up by coming here and failing to wait for her call because my friend Jess who helps my mom knew i was coming was supposed to be notified by my mom, and my mom is holding a grudge against me for one stupid little human error that didn't even cause anything. I said i was sorry but she's all like "we'll talk about it later"
I don't want to talk about it later, i want this shit to be over and done with. Im thinking i'll screw up and stress her out even more and she'll guild trip me over every thing i do around here. She's telling me to drop grudges and she wants to guilt trip me about it later. I fucking hate this.
I feel like i'm on eggshells and I'll probably get in shit just for breathing here.

So right now I feel like:

uhh… how's everyone else doing?