Warning! Depressing blog
I havent been on in a while, and its because I didnt want to be on. I didnt want to talk to anybody and still feel that way sometimes.
I just moved into a bachelor apartment on the 5th, and I had been looking forward to it…and all of a sudden this change in my life threw me into this deep depression. Probably because my mom was helping me find a place and when she found this one, she pressured me to take it. I didnt want it because the building and the suite just looked creepy and downright depressing.
So against my better desire, I took this ugly ass place. And on top of that, my mom bought these hideous curtains that would match the carpet (ugly orange shag carpet). Instead of just getting me a mattress, she bought this klick-clack futon that so uncomfortable to sleep on, and she went and bought this stuff without even asking me to go with her to look at it or if I had any preferences, now she’s guilt tripping me about it.
so why am I not happy when I should be?
Uhh, well, I guess being offered help to find a place by my mom who is also covering $200 of the rent for me (i am grateful for that) and then forced to take this place so she wouldn’t have to worry about me, etc. I really wished i chose another place. this place is just too gloomy.
On top of that, all of a sudden, those stresses triggered all my anxieties and worries, and just put my whole mind through a shitblender and i just became really depressed. On top of that, I found out that I wont eligible for more school grants, and that hurt.
Nuttin…just crying like a little bitch
And so Idk wtf is happening but everything just triggered and something broke and I just couldn’t contain myself either when I’m at home or out. People talk to me and I just tear up.
Growing up my parents told me never to cry and I held all this shit in- Im talking over 10 years’ worth of crap that’s been bothering me. even when I went to church today, soon as someone came up and talked to me I just lose it.
Luckily this lady who used to be my teacher came up to me and kept me company during the sermon, and she said crying’s important- it lets out the stress; something like that. it was to hard to hold back the tears and she being so compassionate just made me bawl
Help!
I can’t wait till Thursday when me and my mom are going to see this family psychiatrist who deals with people who have Asperger Syndrome, like me. He’s like a counselor to me, it would just be better if i could see him once a week and not once every 6 weeks.
Ever since I got depressed, even the night my mom and her bf left me here to assemble the desk and table they got for me, i felt this really painful sense of despair, and felt so alone. It wasnt at all fun. I thought my computer was broken (I turned it on and it didnt start up) and if it did really crap out I probably would have had a major breakdown.
I hate being depressed, and i want this shit to end. I wanted to live on my own and now im full of regret for leaving my aunt’s house.
Sorry to dump this on VuT but i felt I should have posted something by now after disappearing.
few pics of my apartment:
good tear jerking songs:
Ozzy Osbourne – See you on the Other Side
i really hope this depression ends as I adjust to living here. There’s nothing really bad about it…except for my epic failure in not noticing the door frame was damaged (the deadbolt extends through the air gap and only 2mm in the metal slot). But i couldn’t force open my door as the frame was also made of metal. The building manager said the last guy living here got locked out and had to break in…
…which doesnt make sense because in order to lock it, you need keys to lock it from the OUTSIDE.
Im not sure if I wanna stay here or move to another bachelor place. the colors just throw me off.
On the other hand, I heard the neighborhood was relatively peaceful and safe.
Anyways I’ll post again when im feeling better. Peace
6 Comments
Your teacher is correct. Humans have emotions coupled with tear ducts for a reason. Just keep holding on, it’ll get better. I promise.
I liked this in an attempt to make you feel better. 🙂
Enjoy the like, heh.
In any case, I hope you feel better. It always get better, like Nazgul said.
You just need to spice up the place with some personal items, posters, etc. Personally I like orange, so that shag carpet is very sexy; it reminds me of my grandma’s house in the days of old.
i was thinking of covering the walls with maps
It’s sexy because it reminds you of your grandma? I didn’t know you fell into that type, dude.
Anyway, Wolfboy, hang in there. Depression is a difficult thing to overcome but it helps to talk about it or do something that lets out the steam. You just gotta roll with it and get the help you need if necessary.
It’s sexy because it reminds you of your grandma? I didn’t know you fell into that type, dude.
Anyway, Wolfboy, hang in there. Depression is a difficult thing to overcome but it helps to talk about it or do something that lets out the steam. You just gotta roll with it and get the help you need if necessary.
Let me try to rephrase. Shag carpet is sexy in general, but orange shag carpet in particular reminds me of when I was young. DON’T THINK TOO MUCH IN TO THAT.