Guy’s worst nightmare

Just as the 767 express bus pulls into the bus loop at Industrial Junction Station, I see the next bus I need to take, the 341 back to Edmonds, pull out. Shit. And it’s already late, as in the next bus won’t show up for at least half an hour. My ticket will expire and I’ll have to pay again. Normally I would have caught that bus, but there was a bad traffic jam on the bridge.

The bus pulls up and we all trickle out. It’s freezing, almost cold enough for the air to sting your skin. I walk over to where the 341 left and check the timetable posted to the pole. Next bus comes in an hour. I could walk home from here, but that would take at least two hours. Industry Junction is in the middle of nowhere. It’s an isolated K-Train station on its own little island; carved out from Industry Island. Unless you have a car, there is no way out other than the bus or train. There are no cycling or even walking paths. And the closest places to I.J. Station are the warehouses, factories, and construction yards.

There’s really not much to do, other than pace around the bus loop, read a book, or look at the magazines at the newsstand here. I could kill some time by taking the K-Train to the airport, walk around out there and come back, but that’s a separate, non transferable fare. Not to mention transit cops are assholes, eager to make their commission by handing out fare fines.

So I open my backpack and reach for my book-

“Hey!”
A loud and sharp bark from some pissed off woman. Startles me a bit but I don’t look up and continue looking for the page I left off.

“Hey you, shithead!”

Crap, she’s talking to me. And getting closer. I turn around and she’s right here in my face, almost nose to nose. So much for my personal space. It’s Harriet, that freak who sprayed me at the party.

“Answer me when I’m talking to you,” she snaps.

“What do you want?” I groan with contempt. Not in the mood for her-

“Don’t talk to me like that, you shit. You need to have some goddamn respect.”
And she’s jabbing her finger at me.

“So do you, and how about some personal space-”

“Shut the f*** up!” she snaps, slapping me upside the face so hard, my whole head is jerked sideways and next I’m looking at some random bus. And now people are looking at us.

My whole left cheek stings now, and I turn to face her as I rub my cheek. Harriet’s looking real pissed. I think she likes to act like that to intimidate people. Whether or not she’s just acting, she’s scaring me.

“Don’t you dare talk back to me like that. Ever. Got it? Or so help me, I’ll have you beaten to a pulp and stuffed in a ditch, you hear me?”

I decide not to escalate this. “…yes…”

She is right. She has all her gang friends who would gleefully do her bidding. One phone call, and some poor guy or girl disappears and is found all f***ed up and even dead the next day. She wouldn’t hesitate to have them do me in.

“So, did you hear the news?” Harriet asked, crossing her arms.

“What news?”

She steps up in my face again:
“Nako is pregnant. You are going to be a father. Congratulations,” she hisses in a dead serious tone. No sense of joy or excitement from her.

All of a sudden, I feel like I just got hit by a car. That actually happened a few years ago. I was on the street, completely stunned. I couldn’t hear or see straight, and everything just seemed real hazy. This haze seeps in as her biting words travel from my ears through my brain and the ‘shit just got real’ sensation takes hold. I kind of zone out, and I can’t hear the noise around me anymore- not people talking, buses driving, construction equipment in the distance, or even the howling K-Trains as they enter and exit the station platform above.

All I can hear is Harriet’s words. “Nako is pregnant. …Pregnant…Pregnant…you’re going to be a father…Congratulations….”

This just became one of those moments when your whole world comes crashing down on you, pretty much you stand frozen like a zombie, unable to do much.

My mind floods with all the thoughts, worries, and fears that those words bring to mind. Nako’s going to have a kid, my kid. I don’t even want to believe that I’m going to have a kid with her. My life just became forfeit; I’m consigned to her for the rest of my life, or at least the next 20 years. Anything I ever wanted to do in life is now irrelevant. Now it’s going to be shitty dead end jobs, an angry pregnant girlfriend, her pissed off friends and family, a screaming baby, and possible family court and child support.

I think I’m tensing up and it’s getting hard to breathe. For all I know I just might pass out or have a heart attack and die.

“Excuse me,” Harriet snaps, breaking me out of my daze. “Did you hear what I just said, you stupid, worthless, dumb, braindead f***head?” She emphasizes “f***head” with clenched teeth, just to sound more intimidating.

“Yeah, I did-”

“Nako is pregnant!” she almost shouts in my face, “You got her pregnant. You got my sister pregnant. So what are you going to do about it?”

I quickly scramble for a good answer. “I’m not going to leave her if that’s what you’re thinking. I’m going to stay-”

“Damn right you’re not going to leave her. Because, if you do, I will hunt you down and castrate you, got it?” She’s jabbing her finger right on my chest, and the sharp tip of her fingernail hurts.

“Nako and I will take your pathetic ass to court and have you booked for child support, and then thrown in jail, where you can get raped for all I care. Here’s what you’re going to do: You’re going to be with her, be there for her, love her and take care of her with all your heart and effort, that is if you even have a heart. You’re going to get a job and bust your ass every single day to bring home the money and provide everything for her and everything she wants and desires; and same for the kid, got it?”

“…yes…”

“Every move you make, every dollar you get, everything you buy and do better be for her. And you will not give Nako or anyone a single ounce of attitude about it. You will not argue, you will not talk back nor complain. You will be the sweetest, kindest, most loving man she has ever had. Understand?”

“…yes…”

“And I don’t care if you even need new pants. Every dollar you spend goes towards her, got it? In fact, you better hand her the money. She can decide if you need new pants. Look at you, you dress like a bloody loafer anyway. Be damn grateful Nako doesn’t care that much about that. And my friends and I will personally see to it that you work your ass off every day to provide for her. Because if you don’t, one wrong move, just one bad decision, and we’ll take your pathetic ass to court, and have you booked for child support, do you understand?”

“…yes, ma’am.”

“Infact, if you leave her, I’ll have you charged with rape and thrown in prison for the rest of your worthless existence. Everything you do better be for Nako, got it?”

“Yes.”
Harriet just won’t stop. She’s got her finger right under my chin.

“I mean it, Ry. Don’t you dare abandon Nako. She’s been cheated on, used, abused, beaten, and abandoned by so many shithead men. Well not this time. She loves you, and you will not leave her. And you will not lay a finger on her, got it?”

“…yes,” I keep replying plainly.

“Consider this your only warning. All she has to do is pick up the phone, and you are going to be sorely ***ed.”

Harriet briefly runs out of words to say and is still staring me down, with her finger, tensely pointed, right in my face. What’s to stop her from gouging my eye out and telling the transit cops I tried to violate her or something?

I can hear her breathing hard. She’s definitely worked up with fury.

“So,” I ask, “I’ll do the very best for Nako. How about you cut me some slack?”

“F*** you!” She grabs me by the collar of my jacket and shoves me into the glass pane of the bus stop shelter.

“Don’t you dare demand anything from me you piece of shit!” she yells. She shouts some more, until two transit police officers show up.

“Excuse me, ma’am, is this asshole bothering you?”

Harriet turns and lets go of me. She takes one good hard look at me then turns to face the officers. She quickly shifts into a more polite and refined mode.

“No, officer, I just had to tell him something important, and he’s giving me a hard time about it.”

“How so?” the cop demands. The other just stares at me. I know he wants to whip out his baton and crack my skull open.

“He got my sister pregnant, and I was just telling him about it. And that I want him to stay with her and the kid.”

Both cops look at me, then back at her. They’re judging me and assuming I’m just some deadbeat.

“You, show some I.D.”

I hand over my driver’s license and the cop speaks on his radio. Harriet keeps explaining to them stuff about me and Nako. A few tense moments and the cop hands back my driver’s license. I also show him my transit ticket. The whole bus loop is a fare paid zone.

“I’m just saying, I care very much about my sister and I love her to death, and I don’t want him treating her like the rest.”
“Allright, and you,” the officer says to me, “Looks like you got your work cut out for you. You are legally obligated to follow through with what’s expected of you, you know that, right?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. Make a difference, and don’t become another one of those worthless deadbeats, understand?”

“Yes, sir.”

The two cops walk away, leaving me alone with Harriet. She walks off.

“You’ve been warned!” she shouts back as she makes her way towards the pickup / drop off lot. There, her boyfriend is waiting in the car. She gets in and they drive off.

For the next hour, I sit on the metal bench, trying to process everything in my brain. I’m still feeling like I just got floored, and I shift between major angst and depression. The freezing wind does nothing to numb the pain. I almost wish I’d just freeze to death.

I can picture it now: Nako, the baby. Me trying to be the good father for him or her, be the good boyfriend for Nako, us arguing, her getting mad at me all the time, Harriet and her friends constantly threatening me, just by their imposing presence wherever me, Nako, and the kid are; Nako demanding I buy stuff, yelling at me for not being home enough and excusing myself when I say I have to work a lot to bring home decent money.

It turns out finding out about being a father can be one of the best, or worst moments in a man’s life. Especially worse if the guy got her pregnant out of carelessness. Screw it, I was careless. Just by going to that stupid party in the first place. I still blame myself even if everyone forced me to spend the night with Nako and not reject her advances. I try to think good thoughts- as in I can do this, I can own up to my mistake and be what everyone expects me to be, then I’m floored again by the sheer dread.

Seriously, f*** my life.