It's friday the 13th. A 'dark' holiday, as my husband would say.
Yesterday 11/12/2009
Rudee came over yesterday.
We talked.
I held my breath when he told me he got a small odd job raking leaves. I can't criticized because I don't have a job period. He said he was saving up to move to Pennsylvania. At this point I could just support him.
That day I had to go grocery shopping to make dinner. We walked with me to the store, in this horrid gloomy weather. We started to talk and somehow we just starting laughing, on a rainy ugly day, he slipped his hand into mine and we walked holding hands. "We sure look cute together, for two ugly people." We walked slowly in the rain, talking about Zoe's little milestones and her ability to yell back if you punish her by saying no. And her other ability to saying Lion then RaWring afterwards. (too cute!).
I guess it must have been about a hour walk to the store, since I live only about 15 minutes away from it and we took the LONG way to get there. From a nice, semi-romantic moment does he really bring what happened last time (my last serious blog) up. He asked for my forgiveness and asked me if he can come back home. Though I stand tall with my decisions, I told him no however I won't stop him from seeing his daughter. Though he understood that I can't compromise my living arrangements with my mother at the moment so he took it into consideration. Still, though, he comes over on the hours that no one is home but me.
In the store, we've walked around slowly picking out ingredients for dinner and food to take home with him. We walked and talked and share a laugh or two. Then he stops me in a middle of the pet's isle, no one really goes there, and he faces me. He's 6'1" and I'm 5'3" so I looked up at him and he looked down at me.
"Do you want to know what the five senses of love is?"
I didn't say anything. I've heard this before… It's what he told me around the same time two years ago, when we first got together. Honestly I didn't think he would remember this. And for the first time, since I've known him back in 2001. This would be the most romantic thing his done, twice.
"Love looks like this…" he brushes his fingers through my hair.
"Love tastes like this…" he lightly kisses me on the lips.
"Love smells like this…" he lightly brushes his nose against my neck, smelling the soft fading scent of my perfume that I wore early in the morning.
"Love sounds like this…" he lightly tugs at my hair… I couldn't help but let out a soft [yelp].
"Love feels like this…" He gently pulls me close to him and gives me a warm-felt hug. I hugged him in return.
"You remembered…" I said to him. I felt my face fluster and I had, without a doubt, knew my cheeks were blushing. On the inside I felt so giddy. If I could I would have shouted it to the world how I felt but I couldn't. I like keeping this small moment alive and honestly I have never felt so warm in the pit of my stomach. And I didn't want that familiar feeling to leave. But sometimes good things must come to an end.
That moment for me… felt like it was taken out of an urban romance novel
He's been coming over everyday. We've been mending what's left if this marriage, though my mother still knows nothing of it. My father knows. And that's it. Rudee's opened up more. Apologized. Cried. He's been suffering, I can tell. But yesterday he showed up at my door fresh hair cut, his beard gone. Fresh young smooth face. I made him breakfast. Everything feels as though it's falling slowly back to place.
He leaves before everyone comes home. He, at the current moment, is my vagrant Romeo.
Everything evening that he leaves, I make dinner for Zoe and myself. I put Zoe down for her bedtime at 8:30pm – 9:00pm. By that time everyone's in their room. My mother and her husband 'expressing' their love behind closed doors really bothers me. Though I don't hear them much since I sit at the dinner room table, crack open my Medical Terminology book and start studying. While I study I turn on my radio. Find a nice radio station… and most of the time there's nothing on. But once or maybe twice a good song comes on. When the radio does play a good song, for example our I can't help but to smile. I only have good memories of him and our relationship.
Today 11/13/2009
I arrived to school late. My teacher didn't care though, it's Friday.
As I entered the room. My teacher Mr. Smallwood was talking about his daughter and his crazy psycho white ex girlfriend. This is what he said in a nut shell.
I didn't know where I was going, the damn nursing home was in the middle of cornfield. So I was just running. Not evening thinking about this situation clearly. I was just thinking about getting to my daughter. The cops chased me but they couldn't keep up. hehe, They had to get into their cop cars and chase me. I ran so far that another state cop pulled in front of me and the two cops stopped behind me. The two cop cars got out of the cruiser with nightstick in their hands ready to whoop my ass and the state cop told them "you better not touch him." And the other two cops said "he made me chase him" the state cop then said "I don't care you better not fucking touch him."
So they took me to jail and the cops picked up my daughter from preschool and gave my daughter to her mother. So that monday they took me to court and the judge looked at me and asked me what the hell I was doing there. I looked at him as said "I'm here because of these damn fools put me here because [some white girl] called them and told them I kidnapped my daughter. And now my daughter's missing because of these two damn fools" The judge looked at the two cops and said "get his clothes and let him go" the cop #1 said "ok, we'll just transfer him." the judge interrupted and said, "no you bring his clothes and let him be on his way."
Did you know [he was referring to the class] it took them nine months to find my daughter. They had an amber alert in the state of Pennsylvania and they found her in a walmart. A lady recognized her, followed my daughter's mother to where she lived and called the police. We they finally found my daughter she was locked in a closet beaten, sleeping in her own feces, up to her neck in feces. She has cigarette burns on her left leg.
I couldn't get this child to take a bath for a whole year. She would just completely fall out on the floor. She was to traumatized. [Someone asked him if she had other children] She was pregnant shortly after she had my daughter and I got full custody of her when she was six months old. Now she hides within my family. She tried three different times to get my daughter so we moved down to DC. And guess what… the skank moved here right along with us. [someone else asked him if her other children were of a different race]. The child she had after mine was from my best friend billy. And it came out white. [someone else then replied 'so the only reason she beat your daughter because she was black?] And it might have been the only reason why she would abuse my daughter because she's half black.
You could only imagine how many people in my class was mad about what happened to my teacher and his daughter years ago.
As I listened to his story… I had flashes of repressed memories of what happened to me as a child. So it really bothered me sitting there trying to read my medical book and hearing my teacher talk about his traumatizing experience with a psycho bitch.
Though everyone seem to be alright with speaking about what happened to them in the past. I can't seem to share these repressed experience because I tend to go into a dark place. As I heard him talk, I felt my eyes tear up a little bit. A woman sitting next to me noticed and she stared. I glanced over to Mr. Smallwood as he spoke of his experience and I saw his eyes water too and lip quiver as though he wanted to cry. Then I thought to myself, that is why he chuckled at what seemed the silly parts of his story.
I shook the negative vibe off and offered everyone a doughnut. 🙂
As I came home, Rudee didn't come over today. I guess he was working or something. I made dinner for Zoe. Watched the Animal Planet with her and put her to sleep. Now… I just listen to the Radio again. scanning through stations until I find something soft to listen too.
Only an angel could be so unusual Sweet surprise I could get used to Unusual you
-Britney Spears: Unusual You
Album Circus
2 Comments
This seems..very ethereal, out of a romance novel.
With cheese, children, and the works.
Write a biography, Aaru. It’s interesting to see what would happen after.