For Lack of a Better Title

Y’all are so depressing.

Last front page blog, if Dustin’s blog hits front page, will have been written almost a solid 8 months before.

Pls.

Anyway, reading a few of the recent blogs have offered a bit of insight into a lot of the “transition” I guess some of us are going through. It’s very, very interesting to see, and I was actually quite surprised (okay, maybe not really) by the sentiments felt by me being felt by others as well.

I think as we get older (I think it’s been about 7 years now, here’s a blog written by Dayna/vicelin back in June of 2006) a lot of us are worrying on the direction of our lives. We have to consider our career path, if we truly like what we were doing, etc. etc. That’s pretty normal, haha, I wish I kept a record of all that I’ve written previously. Maybe the things I’ve said that I will never do that I have done since. 🙂

For this blog, I want to talk about something I’ve seen firsthand and talk a little about actual depression. Now be warned, this is a long story, but I’ve wanted to tell it for a while and hopefully some of you can take away something from it.

So the story starts in the first year of University – I met a few people, my first friends in University. One of them was a pretty avid gamer, he used to play in some smalltime major league gaming events (that oxymoron though) and was sponsored at one point. His parents weren’t very keen on it, and put a stop to it, eventually getting him to study hard, and he managed to graduate high school as valedictorian and student body president.

Fast forward a few months, he gets introduced to a little game called League of Legends. He gets absolutely absorbed, it was truly addicting. At first it wasn’t too bad, a few morning lectures that he didn’t attend, he manages to pass 3/5 courses, enough to move on the next semester.

But then the trouble starts. He started talking with a girl he met way back in middle school, and they eventually get together. Through her, he meets a bunch of other people that also play League of Legends, however, they have a very, very late night schedule. With that, his schedule shifts to match theirs, so he goes to bed later and later, and wakes up sometimes for dinner. He tries to go to lectures on little to no sleep, and eventually fails the majority of his courses, putting him into jeopardy. He’s given a chance to raise his grades, in the summer term. This was only a year ago.

The trend doesn’t stop. His parents don’t know, they think he’s just trying to finish school sooner. He doesn’t tell them. At this point, I haven’t realized any of this – he told us that his grades were good, even better than mine, because I was borderline failing at the time, basically scoring in the 60s-70s, with an rare 80 in-between (goddamnit Kevin, don’t know how you do it).

I was also doing summer courses because I failed to secure a work term (internship, for American folks), so I think, whatever, he’s doing the same thing as me. We end up playing a lot of League over the summer, but I pass my courses, I assumed he did as well, because he told me so. I had no reason to believe otherwise. I should have known something was up though. I should have been a better person and tried to get him to come to lectures, but I didn’t want to bother, I’m not a confrontational kind of person in real life, I don’t tend to call people out, so I guess I just let it go. And what could I have said? I wasn’t in a much better position myself. I believe it’s my fault on some level much later, but that’s pretty much 20/20 hindsight. Sigh. Moving on…

After he failed this term, he has basically dropped out of school. Now this section is still unclear, he hasn’t revealed all the details as this is still a difficult topic for him. The next few terms he says he’s going to class, or on work terms he says he’s working. But he’s no longer affiliated with the school. 1 year passes like this – he falls into depression. At this point, he has no motivation to do anything. He stays at home, locks himself in his room, and plays other games to take his mind off of it. The barrier of lies that he cycles through prevents anyone from suspecting anything. I didn’t even realize he was depressed, on the outside, he was still happy, he still went out to eat in restaurants with me and others, I had no clue.

The first time I suspected he may have no longer been in school was a few months back, when he asked for a copy of my transcript. This triggered a few alarms. Why would he need my transcript? Could he be trying to make a copy to show his parents? However, my transcript was less than stellar, so if he showed his parents they would definitely question him further. I questioned him, why did he need this? He told me it was an “emergency.” Knowing pretty much what it was going to be used for, and the expected outcome, I gave it to him. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but he was a friend, so I didn’t think too much about it. In hindsight, that was stupid. I knew that the other people he knew that went to our school don’t go to our program. Our program is very limited in the amount of people – there are only about 30 or so in it. The amount of people he knows in the program is around maybe 4. Of those, 3 of them he doesn’t talk to very much, so naturally he would go to me. Whatever – the expected outcome occurs, his parents realize his situation.

But even despite his parents knowing, and after I get suspicious (did some digging, eventually found out he wasn’t in the school records anymore), he still doesn’t admit anything. He continues to build up this wall… up until 2 weeks ago, when I finally called him out, and he revealed that he was on probation and trying to get back to the school. His parents have supported him all the way, helping him get his addiction back in control.

Since then, he has been going to workshops for coping with depression, as well as going through a drastic change in attitude. I supposed only time will tell if the school readmits him, and hopefully they do.

Ultimately the point of the story is that what you guys are feeling isn’t depression or whatever, and if you are, you definitely need to reach out to the people around you. For those that are not in depression it’s most likely a sense that you’re not as successful as the people you see around you. But from my point of view, even though my friend told us about the things he was accomplishing, he also had a side to him that I never would have expected and was very shocking. And that’s the kicker – everyone has a different side to them.

Take Facebook posts for example, when you look at the pictures of these people going on amazing vacations, or talking with incredible people, or visiting other countries, you can’t help but feel a sense of “Why can’t I be one of those people?” Thing is, everyone has their frustrations and moments of sadness, but what they display to others are ultimately the positive feelings, and so the impressions we are getting is that they are super successful. That’s not the full picture. You will never get the full picture. You get this unrealistic, hyper-happy, fun, eventful picture of someone else’s life. And that’s honestly something I kind of hate Facebook for, but everyone uses it so you can’t really get away from it now if you want to stay in touch.

Anyway, back to what I was talking about – what you should be focusing on is going forward, and looking at everything around you with pride. You got here because of hard work, and you’ll go further with hard work. Sure you can make fast and easy money by joining a pyramid scheme, or whatnot, but that will destroy your relationships. You can become a cutthroat trader and make tons of money as well, but your emotions will be regulated by the market and you will never feel fulfillment.

There are those that are just talented, and were lucky enough to have their talent discovered. Okay, that’s great for them. But for the rest of us, hard work, and the motivation to do that work is all we need. If you’re working at something, and you’re not enjoying it, then you really need to find something you truly enjoy for a hobby. If you don’t like anything at all, then I can’t really say anything lol. But yeah, enjoying what you have, those around you, and treasuring the relationships you have with others is so important.

For those of us in University, and those going into University, it’s really not about the grades that you make, but the hands that you shake. It’s incredibly cliche but in today’s world, it’s the truth. Don’t go into a downward spiral when you get a 60 on a midterm. What you ultimately got was a passing grade, if you aren’t making the top 10 of your class, that 60 is as good as an 80. When you get a job, your employer is not going to ask, hey, so what did you get in that one course? You’re getting hired for your skills, not ability to memorize information.

I think that we have it good, way better than most out there, and that the current period in your life is the one you should be trying to enjoy as much as you can. There’s simply not enough time in a lifespan for you to be sad, you can save time to grieve if something traumatic happens, but everything else should be an opportunity for you. Anything that you do will be somehow worth it; it doesn’t matter if you feel like you didn’t learn anything in University. Maybe the content was easy, but ultimately you learned to manage your time, or met some new people, or saw things that you wouldn’t have seen otherwise, and that’s absolutely fine even if you didn’t retain any “knowledge” from it. Most of us just go through the motions anyway; University/College is just now an extra line on a resume, hopefully helping you get a job.

I’m going to say it again – enjoy life. Too many of us get trapped into this cycle of sad, and it just doesn’t do anything for you. Be happy. Find things that you enjoy, and stay away from the things that you don’t. If there’s anything to take away from this blog, it’s that.

Hope you guys have a wonderful holiday season, stay safe, and enjoy it.