oh f*ck no. HELP PLEASE

So my love life has been quite the adventure. Here’s my modified story so that no one recognizes it. Believe me, if you think I am talking about you, then the chances are slim because there are MAJOR changes but the storyline is the same, just the facts are changed.

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I first started out as a top student at my local high school. I wasn’t very popular or anything, but was just persistent and supportive. There was this girl (let’s call her Mary) that I liked since who knows when. I reckon it was almost 10 years we have known each other and this year was the final year before we would all split off to our respective colleges. My plan was simple: ask her to prom in June since both our birthdays were only a day apart, but that was only if I had the feeling she would say yes.

Months past and things changed. Like any person, I kind of sensed that another girl liked me and I also liked her too. Not that I am cheating on anyone or having the intention to or anything… I just did not know what to do so I waited. Well, that waiting resulted in something else. Another guy asked “Mary” to prom and that rumour had gotten to me. I wasn’t mad or anything because I knew she would say no, but was afraid to at the same time. More time passed and I had finally went and asked her to prom. We met in the stairwell after school. The answer was silence BUT I knew should would say yes eventually. More waiting elapsed and the other guy asked her once again.

Right about then, I had to make a choice… pick the girl who I liked or pick the girl who liked me. The other girl (let’s call her Amy) I had only met this year. How we were all connected was through being in the same classes and groups for labs and projects. Lots of drama and tears in between and I ended up picking Amy although I knew I would have been happier with Mary. When prom hit, Mary went alone with her friends, and the guy who had asked her went alone as well. At that point, I knew I had fucked up big time.

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So almost two and a half years later, Amy and I are still dating but I have not talked to Mary since I told her about who I would go to prom with. I still think of Mary quite a bit because of all those memories we shared in those 10 years, but at the same time, creating new ones with Amy. Sigh… that’s not all.

So when school ended, my CO-OP program had placed me into a old peoples hospital near my house. It was fairly new, built recently in the past 10 years. We would be called summer students, and there were 8 of us. We would be working together for the next 15 weeks. I thought it would be really weird, but at the end of the 15 weeks, this is what happened.

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Of the 8 summer students, three (including me) had BFs and GFs. Five of them were girls and the remaining three were guys. See something already? So the first week with orientation was fine, introduced ourselves and all that mumbo jumbo. Here is where it gets complicated:

I figured since I had a GF and the other girl had a BF, it would be okay to be BFFs for that entire summer job (which we were). We shared all the jobs together and helped each other out all the time despite us being in completely different departments. At first, we both thought the other was single, but slowly, during those lunch breaks, we revealed more about ourselves.

Turned out the girl (let’s call her Danielle, or Dan for short) was dating someone for 4 years already while I have been dating someone for 2.5 years. Things got a bit odd, kind of like we were… “couples” at work, but friends outside of work? We were too too close for sure… texting each other out of work, without letting the other significant half knowing. It was really odd, but I just got the feeling that we were both screwing up big time.

During lunch, we would sit beside each other and her knee would always be touching mine… Occasionally, we would literally just steal food from each others lunches even if it was half eaten. Sounds normal and all but the knee thing really bothers me yet I don’t mind it. I actually think I like her >_< FUCK. So the last day of work happened, and we went out for dinner and then late late LATE night karaoke. I sang a few songs in chinese and she sang a few. The other summer students picked a duet and we both sang it together. At the corner of my eye, I can see her staring, but when I look at her, she stares away. But when I'm staring at her, she doesn't look back, just like what I did.

You could call it an “affair” if you like, but we both enjoyed our time together. However, I can’t put her away, I just keep thinking of her. I feel like a total jerk to Amy and Dan feels like a total jerk to her BF but we don’t mind it? She gave me a ride home even though it was not along the way that night at 4am. We chatted that one hour ride off like it was nothing. When she got to my house, I hoped that NOTHING would happen so I quickly jumped off the car and said “see you sooooon”.

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Summer is still around for a few more weeks and we plan to go out as a group (all the summer students) a few times, and even go camping and on a road trip.

Oh my f*cking god. Can anyone tell me what to do?